March 18, 2025

Friends First: Building a 39-Year Marriage

Friends First: Building a 39-Year Marriage
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Friends First: Building a 39-Year Marriage

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In this heartfelt and inspiring episode, we sit down with our dear friend who’s been married for an incredible 39 years. From the highs and lows to the lessons learned and the laughter shared, she opens up about what it really takes to keep a marriage strong and thriving for nearly four decades. Whether you're married, single, divorced, or somewhere in between, this conversation is full of wisdom, real talk, and a whole lot of love. Grab a cup of tea (or a glass of wine!) and join us for an honest look at love, commitment, and everything in between.

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🌐 Website: timelessandunfiltered.com


Chapters

00:00 - Introduction to Cheryl Biggs' 39-Year Marriage

05:24 - Meeting Her Husband: Love Story Begins

13:30 - No Secret to Marriage Longevity

23:15 - Building a Foundation of Friendship

30:10 - Keeping Romance Alive After Decades Together

36:18 - Finding Personal Identity Within Marriage

46:05 - Setting Boundaries and Communication Tips

52:00 - Final Thoughts on Long-Term Commitment

Transcript
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00:00:00.401 --> 00:00:04.951
A person that I can look across the room and we don't have to say nothing and bust out laughing.

00:00:04.951 --> 00:00:11.551
You know, to be able to look at one of your friends and be able to say, okay, I know, that person has me.

00:00:11.551 --> 00:00:20.474
Yes, I don't have to worry about that person saying anything about me or allowing anybody else to hurt me in any type of way.

00:00:20.474 --> 00:00:22.407
I always felt safe with him.

00:00:22.899 --> 00:00:26.969
Why don't you guys keep it alive, bring it back to life, whatever you know?

00:00:26.969 --> 00:00:28.280
How can you not support we?

00:00:28.321 --> 00:00:40.185
have to bring it back alive, because you do get so comfortable that now we're just living, now we're just existing, and if sex is the basis of your relationship, you're in trouble.

00:00:40.185 --> 00:00:41.127
Yeah.

00:00:45.573 --> 00:00:58.314
This is Lagra, this is Stephanie, this is Cherie and this is Ivanya.

00:00:58.314 --> 00:01:04.703
And this is Timeless and Unfiltered.

00:01:04.703 --> 00:01:04.882
Where?

00:01:04.903 --> 00:01:05.784
we are spilling the tea on midlife.

00:01:05.784 --> 00:01:07.328
One laugh at a time.

00:01:07.328 --> 00:01:07.989
Hello everybody.

00:01:07.989 --> 00:01:09.661
Welcome back to thomas in the filter.

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We are spilling the tea on midlife one laugh at a time I am legra, I'm full, I'm charise and I'm ivania.

00:01:19.085 --> 00:01:20.227
Stephanie, just ate.

00:01:20.227 --> 00:01:25.275
Well, we all just ate, oh god, but it was good.

00:01:25.835 --> 00:01:26.778
Yes, it was good.

00:01:26.878 --> 00:01:36.269
We probably didn't need to eat before we filmed right first of all, we already need naps right without eating, and now we really needed that, but we gonna get through this with our energy.

00:01:36.269 --> 00:01:39.983
You probably noticed we have a fifth host on the couch today.

00:01:39.983 --> 00:01:45.832
We thought we'd come and talk to our wonderful, dear friend, ms Cheryl Biggs.

00:01:45.832 --> 00:01:46.593
Hello, hello.

00:01:47.141 --> 00:01:48.147
Hello hello.

00:01:48.840 --> 00:01:52.730
Well, cheryl has been married for 39 years.

00:01:52.730 --> 00:01:55.325
39 years.

00:01:55.325 --> 00:02:04.611
Black love, black love, black love Okay black love and, being that I've been married before Sharice has been married, the two ladies have not actually been married yet.

00:02:04.611 --> 00:02:05.382
I've been married before Sharice has been married.

00:02:05.314 --> 00:02:06.572
the two ladies have not actually been married, yet I've been engaged.

00:02:06.572 --> 00:02:10.521
Somebody loved me enough to give me a ring for two different people.

00:02:11.264 --> 00:02:12.663
I got one little ring back in high school.

00:02:12.663 --> 00:02:13.425
Does that count?

00:02:14.341 --> 00:02:23.496
No, well, the point of it is, we can't give a perspective of what it's like to be married with someone for 39 years.

00:02:23.496 --> 00:02:30.371
So we thought we'd bring one of our dear friends on board to tell us what's the secret, because we're trying to get the ring hilarious.

00:02:30.371 --> 00:02:33.044
Hello, and keep the ring.

00:02:33.044 --> 00:02:36.800
Well, some of us are let me rephrase that we're trying to help them get one.

00:02:36.800 --> 00:02:42.355
I don't necessarily need one at this point, if it happens this is why I'm confused god willing, right, it happens.

00:02:42.376 --> 00:02:43.680
This is why I'm confused with you.

00:02:43.680 --> 00:02:46.795
I'm saying if it happens, god willing, because you was just a hopeless romantic Right.

00:02:46.795 --> 00:02:50.250
Do you want to get married or not?

00:02:50.250 --> 00:02:51.111
Tell her.

00:02:51.132 --> 00:03:00.000
Tell her, for me, she can still be a hopeless romantic without being married Right but if it happens, an opportunity presents, and it's right, then she's there.

00:03:00.181 --> 00:03:01.384
She's not denying it.

00:03:01.384 --> 00:03:06.632
She's just like mmm, it's just not the center and the focus of my life at the age of 55.

00:03:06.632 --> 00:03:09.525
Would I love for it to happen.

00:03:09.525 --> 00:03:11.192
I would love, I love, love.

00:03:11.192 --> 00:03:14.187
Yeah, I love to be in love.

00:03:14.187 --> 00:03:16.407
Yeah, but I love to receive love.

00:03:16.407 --> 00:03:18.747
Yeah, I love to somehow become my mother.

00:03:18.747 --> 00:03:21.364
I love to cater to my man.

00:03:21.364 --> 00:03:26.431
I laugh because when Sharice has seen me with someone before, she was like, oh my gosh, she took a picture and a video.

00:03:26.510 --> 00:03:40.206
Oh, sure did, which is so funny, like what, and people were like and she was getting and I was like I didn't expect you to be so professional all the time.

00:03:40.401 --> 00:03:42.407
And now, here you are, giggling like a little.

00:03:42.467 --> 00:03:43.030
I'm a girl.

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I'm a girl, I love it.

00:03:44.507 --> 00:03:45.492
You're a girl, I love it.

00:03:45.492 --> 00:03:48.067
I'm a girl, I love it.

00:03:48.067 --> 00:03:52.329
But no, I love love, it's just not the center and my focus.

00:03:52.329 --> 00:03:54.064
You know I am deaf.

00:03:54.064 --> 00:03:57.250
I'm wide open to receive it, but I'm not chasing after it.

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I'm not chasing.

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I'm going to attract my deaf buddy, if you're out there.

00:04:03.131 --> 00:04:04.893
Well, I don't like going through the weeds.

00:04:04.893 --> 00:04:08.317
You had to go through the weeds to get to the flowers I had to At 55,.

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I have been through enough weeds.

00:04:10.167 --> 00:04:11.592
You want to take the short bus?

00:04:11.612 --> 00:04:12.259
in a relationship.

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I'm going to get on the short bus.

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Take the short cut.

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You might get a short bus.

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And whatever it takes or requires.

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So, yes, I am a hopeless romantic and it still would be wonderful to find that person, even though, look, I don't have 39 years, but if God blessed me with another 30, it would be great to spend that 30 with someone, and someone to travel with and all of those good things.

00:04:36.805 --> 00:04:46.607
So since I can't give you that perspective, and none of us could, we had to go get an expert with 39 years, how you doing girl Because how in the world do you do it?

00:04:47.168 --> 00:04:54.065
for 39 years that is more than half of your adult life you have been with the same man.

00:04:55.084 --> 00:04:57.545
Come on, girl, give us some tips, because we're trying to figure it out.

00:04:57.545 --> 00:04:59.487
There is no secret.

00:04:59.487 --> 00:05:09.449
It's like one day just turns into another day and you look up and I don't know that we pay attention to it until somebody says it.

00:05:09.449 --> 00:05:13.487
You know, I know for a fact.

00:05:13.487 --> 00:05:15.833
My son's like please tell me how y'all do this.

00:05:15.833 --> 00:05:19.786
And he even calls his father, like how are you with mom?

00:05:19.786 --> 00:05:22.512
But it's long, I don't understand.

00:05:22.853 --> 00:05:42.535
I don't understand, I can't, I don't think I can do it, but you're going on year seven son but yes, yeah and there's no secret, there's no, I can't sit here and lie and say oh, we compromise, oh, you know we, no, it's just one day.

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But you have to like each other.

00:05:45.480 --> 00:05:47.146
We do like each other.

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We were friends first.

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That's the foundation.

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Take us back.

00:05:51.853 --> 00:05:52.516
How did you meet.

00:05:53.461 --> 00:05:54.343
Okay, how did you meet?

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How did you meet, oh God.

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Well.

00:05:58.639 --> 00:06:00.166
Now is this going to be his version of the story.

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No, it's going to be Cheryl's version.

00:06:02.026 --> 00:06:12.541
Anthony, I was coming home from basketball practice.

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His uncle is a year younger than me.

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There was a train strike in New York and Anthony went to Teterboro School of Aeronautics, so he had to catch the train and the bus from New York to Jersey to get to school back and forth.

00:06:24.785 --> 00:06:25.906
Well because of the strike.

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He didn't do it, but his uncle, grandfather, lived, good Lord, okay, two houses down.

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Okay, it's his uncle.

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So it's his grandfather.

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Okay, lives two houses down from me.

00:06:37.375 --> 00:06:46.300
But me and his uncle went to school together, okay, so I was coming home for basketball practice, looking a hot mess, but them short shorts and the long legs?

00:06:46.399 --> 00:06:48.665
No, anthony can tell you exactly what I had on.

00:06:48.665 --> 00:06:49.387
Oh, wow.

00:06:49.548 --> 00:06:50.089
I cannot.

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I remember I think it was a blue and tan Puma sweatsuit.

00:06:53.406 --> 00:06:57.014
If I remember his story correctly, he could tell you the sneakers I had on.

00:06:57.295 --> 00:06:59.627
Oh my goodness, Hair swept out, hair swept.

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I looked a hot mess because I was mad because my mother sent me to the store.

00:07:04.041 --> 00:07:04.423
What?

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I looked a hot mess because I was mad because my mother sent me to the store and I had to walk because that's up north.

00:07:12.161 --> 00:07:13.223
We didn't right right, so I was walking by.

00:07:13.223 --> 00:07:13.463
He said hi.

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I said hi.

00:07:13.665 --> 00:07:15.007
Curtis introduced me and said hey, what's up?

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And I kept going.

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He asked his uncle who was I and he told me he's a man, you don't want to bother with her.

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She's dating a three-letter man.

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You know she already.

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That was when we had letter jackets right he had a three's a man.

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You don't want to bother with her.

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She's dating a three-letter man.

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You know she already that was when we had letter jackets.

00:07:27.108 --> 00:07:29.216
Right, he had a three-letter man.

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Okay, he's playing three different sports, okay so he was like you don't want to bother with her.

00:07:34.329 --> 00:07:36.922
She got three, you know brothers blah, blah blah.

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And he was like, okay, his version of the story is that when he saw me he said, hmm, I could do something with that, okay so apparently he did we were friends.

00:07:52.985 --> 00:07:55.771
I tried to to hook him up with my friends.

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Oh, because I thought he was a nice guy, because I was already taken.

00:07:59.742 --> 00:08:08.406
So I never looked at him like that until he made me look at him like that, and how did he make you look at him like?

00:08:08.406 --> 00:08:08.526
That.

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Just being present.

00:08:10.380 --> 00:08:12.966
He was just present, he was just right.

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Like I'm from up north I can say safely out A hood rat, but I can dress it up, and so for me it wasn't about like now.

00:08:25.348 --> 00:08:27.432
Everybody kind of wants microwave love.

00:08:27.432 --> 00:08:33.729
They want you to have the house, the car, the dog, the fence, and for us we knew that we had to hustle for it.

00:08:33.729 --> 00:08:41.370
So while he was going to school I was helping him study because I had never met a black person saying they were going to be aircraft mechanic.

00:08:41.370 --> 00:08:42.231
You going to fix what?

00:08:42.913 --> 00:08:44.235
Airplanes Airplanes.

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We don't do that so he's he's known for a long time.

00:08:47.187 --> 00:08:57.866
That's what he wanted to do, no he wanted to throw bags for eastern airlines, because that's what his uncle did and he wanted to travel, so he wanted to travel benefits and whoever?

00:08:57.866 --> 00:09:01.881
His counselor was said why don't you just go to school to be a mechanic, not just throw the bags?

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and he was like whatever's going get me to fly free.

00:09:05.669 --> 00:09:06.751
That's what I want to do.

00:09:06.751 --> 00:09:14.951
So we used to sit down together and study and if I went places, we his uncle.

00:09:14.951 --> 00:09:21.441
We all had the same friends because we went to campus schools was maybe about 25 black folks in this, so we all had the same friends.

00:09:21.441 --> 00:09:22.765
We all ran in the same circle.

00:09:22.785 --> 00:09:24.530
Y'all went to private school, yeah.

00:09:25.052 --> 00:09:26.157
Oh rich?

00:09:26.157 --> 00:09:30.000
I don't know why my mother did that so what happened to the letterman guy.

00:09:30.381 --> 00:09:31.385
Where the three letter man at.

00:09:31.385 --> 00:09:36.586
So you were doing all this studying while you had a three letter man, Kind of sort of.

00:09:37.922 --> 00:09:45.951
What happened is I also played volleyball besides basketball, and we always had what was a 24-hour volley time.

00:09:45.951 --> 00:09:53.206
So Anthony came as my friend and would have like food ready for me juice.

00:09:54.644 --> 00:09:55.509
He was working hard.

00:09:57.110 --> 00:09:57.799
He was working you.

00:09:57.799 --> 00:10:00.590
He was working you.

00:10:01.000 --> 00:10:25.754
Yeah, setting me up, and so it was winter, we wound up having a storm that night, a snowstorm, and so we didn't know it until it was time to go, and so maybe Anthony was with me for 23 and a half hours, and the last half an hour my boyfriend showed up because he was away at college.

00:10:25.779 --> 00:10:39.532
So he showed up at the Bali time and he stayed for the last 30 minutes and it was time to go home and so I would have had to walk, and so it's 25 blocks from my school home.

00:10:39.532 --> 00:10:42.788
I'm used to that because we walk in every day, yeah, up north.

00:10:42.788 --> 00:10:46.567
So Anthony said, no, I'll drive y'all home.

00:10:46.567 --> 00:10:48.432
So y'all.

00:10:49.662 --> 00:11:11.743
So, the one who's been working you all this time drove you and your boyfriend no, okay, so he drove y'all home and his uncle drove us home, dropped my boyfriend off first, then dropped me off and then he went home and his uncle said you stupid, she just played you, you need, didn't drop me off at anywhere home.

00:11:11.743 --> 00:11:14.091
And he said his uncle said you stupid, she just played you, you need to drop her, you just played it.

00:11:14.130 --> 00:11:15.875
So a couple weeks went by, I hadn't seen him, didn't talk to him, nothing in my brain.

00:11:15.895 --> 00:11:21.969
It didn't faze me, because we in a relationship, we friends so my boyfriend, anthony, decides to come by the house to talk.

00:11:21.969 --> 00:11:26.678
My boyfriend shows up again the same time.

00:11:26.678 --> 00:11:31.311
It's like a movie and this time Anthony says you have to make a decision.

00:11:31.311 --> 00:11:35.807
He said it in front of your boyfriend, like my boyfriend was standing there.

00:11:36.320 --> 00:11:38.148
Anthony was standing there, and I'm right here.

00:11:38.639 --> 00:11:40.548
And Anthony said you have to make a decision.

00:11:40.548 --> 00:11:49.273
And that's when I looked at him and I was like oh, wow, oh, oh, okay.

00:11:49.273 --> 00:11:51.000
And so I looked at my boyfriend.

00:11:51.000 --> 00:12:00.721
I said hey, anthony, you know, came back for a visit, so I'm gonna have to get with you a little later so he was saying a decision on who was staying at the house or who you gonna date, who?

00:12:01.082 --> 00:12:12.750
who I was staying with at the house moment, but the moment I thought it was like, I was like yes, that was his thing was like I'm not leaving.

00:12:13.892 --> 00:12:16.581
He said, if you tell me to leave, I'm gone.

00:12:16.581 --> 00:12:22.773
Oh god, it's always like uh, okay, oh, gosh, love, I'll talk to you later.

00:12:22.773 --> 00:12:23.354
I'm gonna call you.

00:12:23.354 --> 00:12:24.163
I'm gonna call you later.

00:12:24.163 --> 00:12:25.567
Okay, okay, oh jeez.

00:12:26.581 --> 00:12:28.206
And your boyfriend was okay with that.

00:12:28.206 --> 00:12:29.211
No, he wasn't.

00:12:29.211 --> 00:12:31.019
No, he wasn't, he couldn't have been.

00:12:31.019 --> 00:12:33.365
I was just like your boyfriend was okay with that he left.

00:12:33.726 --> 00:12:34.629
He did leave.

00:12:34.629 --> 00:12:35.711
He did leave.

00:12:35.711 --> 00:12:38.850
There was a whole lot going on after that, after he left.

00:12:38.850 --> 00:12:46.442
Oh God, he wasn't my.

00:12:46.442 --> 00:12:47.090
You're not my boyfriend, no more.

00:12:47.090 --> 00:12:47.332
I guess not.

00:12:47.332 --> 00:12:47.756
May he rest in peace.

00:12:47.756 --> 00:12:54.945
But you know, and that's what made me look at him, because every girl I would set him up with, they would come back and be like he said nothing.

00:12:54.945 --> 00:12:55.490
What do you mean?

00:12:55.490 --> 00:12:56.157
He said nothing.

00:12:56.157 --> 00:12:59.385
Anthony talks a mile a minute to anybody.

00:12:59.385 --> 00:13:01.885
And they were like you ain't say nothing to us.

00:13:01.885 --> 00:13:03.846
And I was like what are you doing?

00:13:03.846 --> 00:13:05.192
I'm setting you up with like the nicest girls.

00:13:05.192 --> 00:13:05.423
What are you doing?

00:13:05.423 --> 00:13:06.537
I'm setting you up with like the nicest girls, what are you doing?

00:13:06.576 --> 00:13:13.272
And they was like no, he want you, and that's when my girlfriend was like he wants you and I was like no, he doesn't, I'm dating.

00:13:13.392 --> 00:13:14.336
Oh little love story.

00:13:14.336 --> 00:13:16.827
Yeah, he slow walked her down, he showed it.

00:13:17.961 --> 00:13:18.745
Look at that.

00:13:22.434 --> 00:13:31.520
It, built it did it.

00:13:31.541 --> 00:13:35.432
Yeah, that's that's how we met and 39 years later and I was, of course, we all we only get to see the end result.

00:13:35.432 --> 00:13:46.302
You know, the outside looking in, I'm sure, ups downs absolutely round and round and all of that, but y'all still together, we're still together that's why I said when y'all asked me to come here, I was like what day is it?

00:13:47.024 --> 00:13:49.734
am I going to say nice things today?

00:13:49.734 --> 00:13:51.438
I'm not going to say nice things.

00:13:51.438 --> 00:13:53.022
My mother was like behave yourself.

00:13:53.022 --> 00:13:54.184
And anthony just laughed.

00:13:54.184 --> 00:14:00.923
But no 39, I feel safe with him and that's what's important to me only.

00:14:00.923 --> 00:14:10.275
The only downside of that, I would say, is I felt like I gave all of myself to my family.

00:14:10.980 --> 00:14:14.690
And so now, here I am at 60 saying who is Cheryl?

00:14:15.029 --> 00:14:18.125
Yes, what does she want, what does she like?

00:14:18.125 --> 00:14:37.215
And it's a difficult situation because when we got married I a television, he had a VCR, so everything, hey, we watch the tv, everything we have other than his motorcycles have been in both of our names.

00:14:37.215 --> 00:14:47.313
Yeah, so it's like when I turned 50 I went and bought my own car, and that was the first time that I bought anything on my own.

00:14:47.313 --> 00:14:50.414
Oh wow, and he didn't like it.

00:14:50.414 --> 00:14:53.164
Oh gee, he did not like that.

00:14:53.164 --> 00:14:53.768
I did that.

00:14:53.768 --> 00:14:55.105
Did he already have his motorcycle?

00:14:55.466 --> 00:14:58.436
Yes, he wanted to be included.

00:14:58.618 --> 00:14:58.820
Right.

00:14:58.820 --> 00:15:00.725
Why did I feel?

00:15:00.745 --> 00:15:03.312
the need to go get something with just my own money.

00:15:03.820 --> 00:15:04.354
Like what you trying to say he was getting scared.

00:15:04.354 --> 00:15:04.614
He's like feel the need to go get something with just my name on it.

00:15:04.614 --> 00:15:08.355
Like what you trying to say he's gonna scare he's actually about to leave what's he?

00:15:08.355 --> 00:15:16.807
Doing I should have been the one because at the motorcycle club and I don't.

00:15:16.807 --> 00:15:19.171
I don't rock with that crowd.

00:15:19.171 --> 00:15:21.835
I definitely stand out.

00:15:21.835 --> 00:15:30.851
Um, so I'm the one that should show the concern, but to him, for me to step out and do something on my own was like wait a minute.

00:15:30.851 --> 00:15:33.565
Where did that, you know?

00:15:33.585 --> 00:15:34.908
where did that come from, especially after that?

00:15:34.929 --> 00:15:36.120
many years yeah.

00:15:36.360 --> 00:15:44.528
Yeah, and I and I I don't know why I felt the need to not tell anybody I was going to get it or anything like that.

00:15:44.528 --> 00:15:57.312
I think I did it just to see if I could, just to see if Cheryl could do it Not mommy, not wife, not your mother's caretaker, not you know, just Cheryl.

00:15:57.312 --> 00:16:05.336
And so it was funny because I had a handicap sticker in my car and I told my, my oldest daughter.

00:16:05.336 --> 00:16:10.225
I said I think I'm gonna go get the license plate that have said that's selfish.

00:16:11.967 --> 00:16:15.332
I'm sorry are you kidding me?

00:16:15.393 --> 00:16:18.322
I said why is my car like?

00:16:18.322 --> 00:16:21.447
It's not like you take the sticker and put it in your car?

00:16:21.447 --> 00:16:23.090
And she was like I don't know.

00:16:23.090 --> 00:16:31.109
That just seems so singular like you don't want to share it's not supposed to be shared I lost it.

00:16:31.109 --> 00:16:32.331
I lost it on her.

00:16:32.331 --> 00:16:35.542
I said I have given y'all my entire life.

00:16:36.082 --> 00:16:38.044
I can't even have my own license plate.

00:16:38.625 --> 00:16:42.009
Oh wow, I didn't know know.

00:16:42.009 --> 00:16:46.836
That's how my family looked at me, like yeah, you're ours.

00:16:47.061 --> 00:16:48.044
You belong to us.

00:16:48.200 --> 00:16:52.019
You don't get to do things on your own, oh Lord.

00:16:52.019 --> 00:16:56.150
So that's why, if I travel with you guys, like my phone is constantly going off.

00:16:56.620 --> 00:16:58.506
Oh my God, you okay.

00:16:58.967 --> 00:17:00.885
Are you all right To the point that you can't?

00:17:00.946 --> 00:17:08.107
enjoy yourself because you are still solving problems, because we travel together all the time she's still solving problems at home.

00:17:08.107 --> 00:17:17.513
While we're in jamaica, while we're in mexico or wherever we are, her phone rings from her family the whole time so look don't again.

00:17:17.513 --> 00:17:18.902
I'm put a disclaimer out there.

00:17:18.902 --> 00:17:21.184
I'm single.

00:17:21.184 --> 00:17:21.846
Don't listen to me.

00:17:21.846 --> 00:17:24.950
You're going to be sitting there single.

00:17:25.250 --> 00:17:37.622
No, no, no, no, no, no I'm going to give you my disclaimer, but it's learned because and I was listening to y'all conversation earlier and what you said- no Boundaries.

00:17:37.943 --> 00:17:40.327
Yes, it's starting to set boundaries.

00:17:40.842 --> 00:17:50.605
And so what's sad is that before, when Anthony and I were having issues with our marriage, I would always say that you're never home.

00:17:50.645 --> 00:17:51.347
Well of course not.

00:17:51.347 --> 00:17:55.387
He's on the motorcycle, that's his thing, that's like his fraternity.

00:17:55.387 --> 00:17:59.820
And the one thing he said to me that hurt my feelings, but it was so true.

00:17:59.820 --> 00:18:03.123
He said don't get mad at me because you don't have a hobby.

00:18:03.123 --> 00:18:08.288
And I was like, oh no, he didn't, yeah.

00:18:08.288 --> 00:18:15.383
And then I had to sit there and say, oh, he's right, I got to do something, because your whole life has been mommy, wifey.

00:18:15.383 --> 00:18:17.744
Always, always Working.

00:18:17.744 --> 00:18:25.479
When I got let go because of my disability, that was my identity, that was mine.

00:18:25.605 --> 00:18:30.011
To better lead the work, my working as a manager at a doctor's office taking care of other people.

00:18:30.011 --> 00:18:36.230
That was my identity, and when I lost that I had a problem Did you find something to do.

00:18:36.791 --> 00:18:38.566
Not yet, oh geez, Okay.

00:18:38.605 --> 00:18:43.592
So we're still trying to discover who Shirley is, that's so amazing At 60.

00:18:43.732 --> 00:18:44.414
At 60.

00:18:45.509 --> 00:18:47.045
Now we're trying to discover who Shirley is.

00:18:47.045 --> 00:18:50.851
There's something that we all have in common yes, single and married.

00:18:50.851 --> 00:19:00.460
One of the things that we talked about in one of our episodes was you get to middle age and you're trying to figure out what am I supposed to do next?

00:19:00.460 --> 00:19:05.676
But the difference is we said that we had the free time, that it was quiet.

00:19:05.676 --> 00:19:08.092
Right, it was quiet and we can do that.

00:19:08.092 --> 00:19:15.911
You're kind of in the same thing because you said where's my identity?

00:19:15.911 --> 00:19:16.112
Who am I?

00:19:16.112 --> 00:19:17.476
Who is cheryl at that midlife?

00:19:17.476 --> 00:19:25.490
Right, it's just that you still have your husband and family kind of surrounding you, but it's it's still there same.

00:19:25.530 --> 00:19:30.498
Thing it's right there and they have their own identities.

00:19:30.498 --> 00:19:35.144
And so, wow, uh, there was a facebook page.

00:19:35.144 --> 00:19:38.551
I think I had posted all three of my kids and I was like I'm so proud of them.

00:19:38.551 --> 00:19:39.855
They're out there living their lives.

00:19:39.855 --> 00:19:45.435
Anthony commented under there and said they get it from their dad, right?

00:19:45.435 --> 00:19:52.292
And I commented and said somebody had to be the disciplinary somebody had to be the disciplinary.

00:19:52.333 --> 00:19:55.498
Somebody had to be the same one to keep this thing going.

00:19:57.886 --> 00:19:58.691
And that's the truth.

00:19:58.691 --> 00:20:02.984
If you look at my children's page or my husband's page, they jumping on planes.

00:20:02.984 --> 00:20:04.550
They swimming with sharks.

00:20:04.550 --> 00:20:04.730
Wow.

00:20:08.627 --> 00:20:17.087
Well, what can you do or are you doing to try to discover who sure or free, cheryl cuz?

00:20:17.107 --> 00:20:18.230
she in there, whatever.

00:20:18.230 --> 00:20:20.817
Whatever it is in there, what?

00:20:20.856 --> 00:20:23.608
what are you doing, or trying to do, or what to do?

00:20:23.608 --> 00:20:25.432
I don't know.

00:20:25.432 --> 00:20:27.194
Ain't I not here?

00:20:27.214 --> 00:20:31.501
No, she ain't looking for me on the street, I know, but I'm just saying she ain't out there.

00:20:31.862 --> 00:20:32.683
But, but, but, but.

00:20:32.683 --> 00:20:33.444
There's nothing out here.

00:20:33.444 --> 00:20:34.487
But I don't wanna.

00:20:34.487 --> 00:20:38.474
I don't wanna go out looking like some old lady.

00:20:38.474 --> 00:20:43.945
I want somebody to say, oh, she lived a good life Like I.

00:20:43.945 --> 00:20:48.749
I'm still going to keep myself up and I'm a big flirt.

00:20:48.749 --> 00:20:51.711
This just, but I'm gonna tell you she a good wingman too.

00:21:06.984 --> 00:21:08.210
No, because surely get you in trouble, to be like sure.

00:21:08.210 --> 00:21:09.777
Oh no, because Cheryl would get you in trouble too.

00:21:09.777 --> 00:21:10.640
I'd be like Cheryl, no.

00:21:11.905 --> 00:21:12.923
Call her and talk to her.

00:21:12.923 --> 00:21:18.457
That's a joke with me and my son, because my son thought it was my husband that turned me out.

00:21:19.250 --> 00:21:22.612
Oh, turned me out and I was like no boo-boo.

00:21:22.972 --> 00:21:24.056
No, it was me.

00:21:24.056 --> 00:21:26.570
And he was like what?

00:21:26.570 --> 00:21:29.182
Yeah, it was your mama.

00:21:29.182 --> 00:21:31.011
Your daddy was a nice guy.

00:21:31.011 --> 00:21:35.759
Your mama was not a nice guy.

00:21:36.846 --> 00:21:39.976
Because they can't view mama in that light.

00:21:39.976 --> 00:21:45.653
Mama can't be sexual, mama can't be sexy, mama can't be the aggressive one.

00:21:45.673 --> 00:21:48.471
That's not mama, mama can't go out to dance.

00:21:48.988 --> 00:21:50.344
Lord you and this going out to dance.

00:21:50.826 --> 00:21:51.790
I just told my son.

00:21:52.066 --> 00:21:53.471
Me and my friends are going to.

00:21:53.551 --> 00:21:53.913
Ellery's.

00:21:53.913 --> 00:21:55.236
He's like that's not safe.

00:21:55.236 --> 00:21:56.183
Why are y'all going out?

00:21:56.183 --> 00:21:57.584
And I said here you go.

00:21:58.088 --> 00:21:59.984
When we went out to see your son sing.

00:22:00.330 --> 00:22:00.923
I love that.

00:22:02.509 --> 00:22:04.134
And here's the thing about that.

00:22:04.134 --> 00:22:08.253
Anthony will say I will take you to do those things.

00:22:08.786 --> 00:22:14.134
Well, sometimes I don't want you to go with me, I want to go have fun with my friends.

00:22:14.406 --> 00:22:16.443
I want to go out and act like yep, I'm single too.

00:22:17.025 --> 00:22:18.089
Don't, don't, don't, do that.

00:22:19.885 --> 00:22:22.714
I got a Google number, but I'm not doing that.

00:22:22.714 --> 00:22:25.979
Okay, look, we're going to cut this episode.

00:22:26.425 --> 00:22:27.463
What's going on?

00:22:27.463 --> 00:22:29.996
We're going to cut this episode.

00:22:30.685 --> 00:22:31.548
I know you do.

00:22:31.548 --> 00:22:39.193
Look, we gotta cut this episode, look, because we about to have nobody saying I'm over here breaking up, no, no, no.

00:22:39.473 --> 00:22:49.268
Only we can break up our marriage period even even when people have attempted to do so, and I've gotten text messages from people that say oh, we sharing the same man.

00:22:49.268 --> 00:22:52.277
Baby, tuck him in and make sure he don't catch a cold.

00:22:52.277 --> 00:22:54.413
Ok, because I need my bills paid.

00:22:54.413 --> 00:22:56.111
I'm not playing with you.

00:22:56.111 --> 00:23:01.623
If you got a connection with him, clearly he gave you a number or something.

00:23:01.623 --> 00:23:02.065
Oh my God.

00:23:02.065 --> 00:23:03.509
I'm not arguing with you.

00:23:03.509 --> 00:23:04.493
I'm not arguing with you.

00:23:04.493 --> 00:23:06.671
It's been too long and my name on everything.

00:23:07.733 --> 00:23:13.489
I'm not leaving, so you ain't breaking up the marriage.

00:23:13.509 --> 00:23:17.076
If it's broken up, it's because you decided or he decided right and so that's my running joke.

00:23:17.136 --> 00:23:17.857
I'm like girl.

00:23:17.857 --> 00:23:22.496
Look, if long as you see that tattoo of my name on his body, I'm not going nowhere.

00:23:22.496 --> 00:23:29.775
All his grandchildren on his arm boo, he's stuck, he's stuck.

00:23:29.775 --> 00:23:33.621
But we're friends, we're friends.

00:23:33.621 --> 00:23:38.679
He's that person that I can look across the room and we don't have to say nothing and bust our laughing.

00:23:39.487 --> 00:23:41.492
Because he's a good guy To be a friend first.

00:23:41.614 --> 00:23:56.498
Yeah, I think it's important because, I don't know, I could just look, you know, to be able to look at one of your friends and be able to say, ok, I know that person has me.

00:23:56.498 --> 00:24:05.439
Yes, I don't have to worry about that person saying anything about me or allowing anybody else to hurt me in any type of way.

00:24:05.439 --> 00:24:12.505
So I don't have to worry about that, and I knew that with him because I always felt safe with him.

00:24:12.765 --> 00:24:16.412
no, that's, that's so important, yeah, it is he?

00:24:16.471 --> 00:24:32.516
he was my landing pad, like if I because I used to have a really, really, really bad temper, really bad used to I haven't met that hero, but I heard yeah there's another part of me, Right.

00:24:32.664 --> 00:24:38.851
You might have that make you see colors that you didn't know was there and he's always been.

00:24:38.851 --> 00:24:39.974
He's the opposite.

00:24:39.974 --> 00:24:45.452
He's the one that will reel me back and be like no, sheryl, what's that TikTok thing that they be saying?

00:24:45.452 --> 00:24:51.593
Somebody nice opens the door and somebody saying that, the other person jumping out from front saying what you said.

00:24:51.593 --> 00:24:55.460
You know, it's like that, like people would say to him you married to who?

00:24:55.460 --> 00:24:58.596
Because he's always the nice guy.

00:24:58.596 --> 00:25:00.722
Are we not gonna get in the way with you being nice?

00:25:00.782 --> 00:25:10.955
I'm gonna need to move because this, but we're not gonna do that, and so he always had a way of diffusing me.

00:25:10.955 --> 00:25:15.480
It's like yin and yang Absolutely, absolutely we are.

00:25:17.105 --> 00:25:20.375
Well, I'm glad you reeled this back, because I didn't know what direction we was going to head.

00:25:20.375 --> 00:25:20.875
No, no, no.

00:25:22.066 --> 00:25:22.749
I'm like no, no, no.

00:25:24.305 --> 00:25:28.189
Because you asked me what was I trying to do, to find myself.

00:25:28.189 --> 00:25:50.892
So just to go out there and like if I go somewhere I will sit there and text him and say you are still the most attractive man in the room and he may not be with me that's so great, but I can sit there and just like stand in the room and be like yeah, no, you know it's just, I still got the one, I still got it.

00:25:50.912 --> 00:25:51.194
I still got.

00:25:51.194 --> 00:26:01.191
I still got in the right hand and I think, as long as you, you feel that after 39 years it's still well, you got a good one, shara, yeah I don't even know where I was 39 years ago.

00:26:01.191 --> 00:26:02.595
Like what in the world?

00:26:02.894 --> 00:26:12.138
absolutely okay, wait, let me see like I'm calculating backwards, like like the passion, like how did you know the same things for that long?

00:26:12.138 --> 00:26:14.067
Like how do you guys keep it alive?

00:26:14.067 --> 00:26:17.876
Bring it back to like whatever you know how do you?

00:26:17.896 --> 00:26:29.738
have to bring it back alive, because you do get so comfortable that now we're just living, now we're just existing and if sex is the basis of your relationship, you're in trouble.

00:26:29.919 --> 00:26:32.246
Yeah I understand you're in trouble.

00:26:32.625 --> 00:26:43.653
Um, even with my condition, I I'm in pain a lot, but I hide it, um, and I don't think that he really understood it right until two months ago when he got sick.

00:26:43.653 --> 00:27:08.313
Out of all of these years, he's seen me taking me to the hospital, to the doctor, until he experienced that he was like oh my god, I don't know how you're doing this, I don't and I'm telling him they are, oh he was sick though, and I'm trying to explain to him how you need to take your pain meds, how you need to not don't chase the pain, say yeah, you gotta stay ahead.

00:27:08.353 --> 00:27:09.233
He didn't get it.

00:27:09.275 --> 00:27:10.016
He was just like.

00:27:10.016 --> 00:27:12.848
I am so sorry I'm so sorry because I didn't get it.

00:27:12.848 --> 00:27:16.436
So you know, and that's what I explained to my kids.

00:27:16.436 --> 00:27:20.151
I said sex is not the cornerstone of your relationship.

00:27:20.151 --> 00:27:25.366
You need to have some kind of connection, because what happens when that stops?

00:27:25.366 --> 00:27:52.184
Yeah, what happens if that has to take a break, and so the funny part of it is that you could not think about it for a while and all of a sudden he walked past and I smell come here we were watching when you was like I miss smelling a man, me and him, was watching that.

00:27:52.566 --> 00:27:57.470
Oh, y'all and he was sitting there, so I smell good and I just laugh.

00:27:57.470 --> 00:28:09.958
He makes me laugh, he makes me laugh and I'm you right, you right, you right, come on and so come on, lay down or I'll leave somewhere and he'll be like where are you going?

00:28:09.958 --> 00:28:11.180
You got 10 minutes.

00:28:11.180 --> 00:28:14.991
Listen, I love that I can give you 15.

00:28:14.991 --> 00:28:15.994
I can give you 15.

00:28:16.174 --> 00:28:17.337
Right, don't waste my time.

00:28:17.337 --> 00:28:18.402
In 10 minutes I can give you 15.

00:28:18.402 --> 00:28:26.523
So it's just really a comfort thing at this point, because it's not like I'm having sex like a marathon, like I'm trying to keep you.

00:28:26.845 --> 00:28:28.008
Right At this point.

00:28:28.048 --> 00:28:41.415
We're just relaxing with each other that's what it is you could fall on the floor, sometimes on vacation you know, but it is what it is.

00:28:41.896 --> 00:28:43.986
Oh wow, nice, I love it.

00:28:43.986 --> 00:28:47.432
A good love story yeah, it's still a love story?

00:28:47.511 --> 00:28:52.240
oh yeah, because there's not a lot of people out here to choose from these days.

00:28:52.240 --> 00:28:55.750
No, and I think that people have to get away from.

00:28:55.750 --> 00:29:03.857
Initially, you are attracted to what you see, so don't lie and say, oh, it was his eyes, oh, his conversation.

00:29:03.857 --> 00:29:05.108
No, you're attracted.

00:29:05.611 --> 00:29:06.433
Something draws you.

00:29:07.006 --> 00:29:08.230
It's a physical attraction.

00:29:08.230 --> 00:29:13.413
Something draws you Somewhere and you don't's a physical attraction, something draws you Somewhere and you you don't think so.

00:29:14.116 --> 00:29:16.085
No, what is she saying?

00:29:16.085 --> 00:29:18.240
I'm just saying that they have to be dropped dead for this.

00:29:18.240 --> 00:29:20.029
I always hear you say that that's a good looking man.

00:29:20.265 --> 00:29:22.150
She's just saying there's something that.

00:29:22.310 --> 00:29:23.954
Yeah, oh, for anybody.

00:29:23.954 --> 00:29:34.817
Yeah, like there's something you need that you see and be like oh, if you, if you're attracted to somebody if it's his smile okay swag the way he walked there was something that made you look twice.

00:29:35.058 --> 00:29:44.031
Yes, yes, that's not saying that's the person that you wind up no, no we're just speaking in general, like if you see someone you're like, oh shoot yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, because.

00:29:44.133 --> 00:30:05.611
But I think now I at least I see my, at least like my daughter's friends and stuff they want the guy to come with the whole package and sometimes you have to go ahead and put that package together because when, when anthony had nothing and I'm studying with him and we would go, a date would be go to the airport and we will watch the planes take off.

00:30:06.011 --> 00:30:28.730
And it was part of a test for him because he had to be able to identify that plane in the sky 727 300, 204 and and we would be sitting there with the book looking up at the plane take off and laying they go and laid and I said I know my friends think I am so, corny, but for me that book was my future.

00:30:28.810 --> 00:30:34.528
So we think these days are willing to go through that with a guy.

00:30:34.528 --> 00:30:36.173
No, I don't see it.

00:30:36.173 --> 00:30:37.076
I'm the men.

00:30:37.076 --> 00:30:38.000
Will I leave you and they?

00:30:39.444 --> 00:30:40.269
go get the next.

00:30:40.771 --> 00:30:43.064
Thing that's what we, a lot of women, that's the problem.

00:30:43.064 --> 00:30:43.989
Be worried about that.

00:30:44.009 --> 00:30:54.371
That's it too because these women, I, you don't care to take what's yours no, they don't if they see that you think it's good they want it and I want it.

00:30:54.371 --> 00:30:57.017
Right, they want but you don't know what I put into it.

00:30:57.017 --> 00:31:00.934
Thank you to make it good like it's a recipe.

00:31:00.934 --> 00:31:08.872
If you take me out the recipe, baby, it's not the same it's not the same.

00:31:08.951 --> 00:31:09.933
It's not the same.

00:31:09.933 --> 00:31:10.515
It's okay.

00:31:10.515 --> 00:31:27.278
At this age and just talking to the ladies, I always felt like my younger Legra was ready to go through the fire with someone 55, legra Ain't got that kind of time.

00:31:27.278 --> 00:31:29.432
I don't have that kind of time.

00:31:29.605 --> 00:31:38.877
But you would think at this point people halfway got you, but if, but, if they did, we wouldn't all have four single people sitting on the couch.

00:31:38.897 --> 00:31:39.846
Well, we're in atlanta.

00:31:39.846 --> 00:31:40.691
It's a difference.

00:31:40.691 --> 00:31:41.796
Yeah, it's a difference.

00:31:41.796 --> 00:31:42.398
Why are you saying?

00:31:42.419 --> 00:31:45.630
because we're in atlanta like yeah, yeah, it's ten to one.

00:31:45.630 --> 00:31:57.365
It's different because I've heard men tell me, man, if you lived in Alabama or anywhere else I would have been married but because I'm here in Atlanta and it's 10 to 1, it's just way more women.

00:31:57.404 --> 00:31:59.710
Too many options for them it is it is.

00:31:59.810 --> 00:32:00.633
and then for women?

00:32:00.633 --> 00:32:04.874
Women have now become the aggressors with the men, because they have this scarcity complex.

00:32:04.874 --> 00:32:10.712
There aren't hardly any, you know, heterosexual men for us to mess with, so I don't care that he's with her.

00:32:10.712 --> 00:32:13.171
If he's showing me attention, I think I can pull him from her.

00:32:13.171 --> 00:32:16.380
Some men, no men, yeah, yeah, it's bad.

00:32:17.105 --> 00:32:19.011
We both seen him here the last time.

00:32:19.011 --> 00:32:20.536
Yeah, we did.

00:32:21.826 --> 00:32:22.409
You know what?

00:32:22.409 --> 00:32:25.294
Honestly, at the end of the day, who's for you?

00:32:25.374 --> 00:32:26.531
is for you.

00:32:26.712 --> 00:32:27.986
And I'm going to just be honest.

00:32:27.986 --> 00:32:32.777
I've never had a problem like ever with anybody.

00:32:32.777 --> 00:32:33.746
And I'm I don't.

00:32:33.746 --> 00:32:48.807
I'm not saying you guys have insecurity, so that's not what I'm saying, but what somebody do is what they do and at the end of the day, if I have somebody and somebody's coming for them as the receiver, they have the ultimate decision on how they respond.

00:32:49.027 --> 00:32:57.895
I don't give a damn who's coming after them and what they're doing, and I'm not jealous and I'm not sitting there trying to figure you out.

00:32:57.895 --> 00:32:59.069
You don't have to give me out.

00:32:59.069 --> 00:33:02.851
We didn't say all of this, but I'm just saying I'm not looking in your phone.

00:33:03.071 --> 00:33:03.252
Nope.

00:33:03.905 --> 00:33:05.711
I'm not trying to figure out what you're doing.

00:33:05.813 --> 00:33:06.335
I don't either.

00:33:06.505 --> 00:33:11.929
I'm not being insecure, I'm not being insecure.

00:33:11.929 --> 00:33:19.192
I'm not texting you and for me, the people that I date or whatever, they know that about me and I have never in any relationship ever gone back.

00:33:19.192 --> 00:33:21.345
Once I'm gone, I'm gone.

00:33:21.345 --> 00:33:22.575
Everybody know that.

00:33:22.575 --> 00:33:28.006
I'm very no nonsense in that way so I don't give a damn who's out there?

00:33:28.006 --> 00:33:29.171
Ain't nobody me.

00:33:29.171 --> 00:33:30.066
Ain't nobody out there.

00:33:30.066 --> 00:33:30.506
That's out there.

00:33:30.506 --> 00:33:30.946
Ain't nobody me.

00:33:30.946 --> 00:33:32.228
There's nobody out there.

00:33:32.228 --> 00:33:33.430
That's Charisse, that's me.

00:33:33.789 --> 00:33:42.701
There's somebody that's always going to have a better body longer hair, whatever they have going on, more money, whatever they have going on.

00:33:42.701 --> 00:33:52.393
So I don't care nothing about that, and in Atlanta I can still fool whoever, whatever it's not being here.

00:33:52.393 --> 00:33:52.917
How do you get that?

00:33:52.939 --> 00:33:55.451
to the younger girls, Because a younger me now I'm like that.

00:33:55.746 --> 00:33:56.429
But as a young girl.

00:33:56.469 --> 00:33:58.992
no, I did them with these phones.

00:33:58.992 --> 00:34:00.250
I think it's what we see.

00:34:00.585 --> 00:34:01.730
I think it's what we watch.

00:34:01.730 --> 00:34:05.692
I was younger and I probably was very different than I am now.

00:34:05.692 --> 00:34:10.137
You know what I mean and I'm sure my daughters see me different today.

00:34:10.137 --> 00:34:12.860
Then they saw you know more security.

00:34:12.860 --> 00:34:15.240
I feel you know more safe.

00:34:15.240 --> 00:34:17.842
Now I could honestly say I've always been a one.

00:34:17.842 --> 00:34:19.043
I think I've said that before.

00:34:19.043 --> 00:34:25.358
I Don't mind approaching somebody, so that may be a part of it too, but I'm not.

00:34:25.358 --> 00:34:25.820
I'm.

00:34:25.820 --> 00:34:27.905
I'm just not falling to that.

00:34:27.905 --> 00:34:39.652
I'm not falling into that thing about what Atlanta look like and what the other women are doing, because I just think that we give the I keep saying the receiver but the other person.

00:34:39.652 --> 00:34:48.896
We'll go after another woman and say what she's doing, but we never sit back and look at what the person who's the receiver they're coming at.

00:34:48.896 --> 00:34:54.175
They got to come after your man and what is he doing and how did they get his number his number.

00:34:54.195 --> 00:35:06.085
They said jump in their damn pocket or phone, that's right, but but because we don't want to deal with it, the accountability of holding that mfa responsible, exactly, we don't want to be responsible for holding him accountable.

00:35:06.085 --> 00:35:10.501
So we go jump on the other person and and they got something to do with it.

00:35:10.643 --> 00:35:14.833
Actually they don't know me.

00:35:14.853 --> 00:35:23.717
They don't owe me anything you owe me something yeah, and I'm not coming out with you, I'm not trying to figure out what you're doing when I don't feel comfortable or safe I'm done.

00:35:23.717 --> 00:35:24.447
It's all right.

00:35:24.447 --> 00:35:25.431
It's time for me to go.

00:35:25.431 --> 00:35:26.494
It's just that simple.

00:35:26.755 --> 00:35:30.521
I don't give a damn what city we live in, atlanta or anywhere else.

00:35:30.521 --> 00:35:38.659
I don't think I've ever, I don't think I don't think I have ever gone through his stuff yeah, because why never right?

00:35:38.659 --> 00:35:45.360
Right well I'm gonna do call her up and say, hey, I found your number in your phone.

00:35:45.400 --> 00:35:45.762
What?

00:35:45.963 --> 00:35:46.824
no people do.

00:35:46.824 --> 00:35:49.797
I'm never gonna say he's right, you will never see me right, I've never right.

00:35:49.797 --> 00:35:51.664
Never see me Swear, right, I've never Right.

00:35:52.347 --> 00:35:53.010
And it's the truth.

00:35:53.010 --> 00:35:53.632
It's like you said.

00:35:53.632 --> 00:35:56.028
People still come up to me oh, you married.

00:35:56.028 --> 00:35:56.972
Yes, are you happy?

00:35:58.489 --> 00:36:00.034
What People are bold yes.

00:36:00.034 --> 00:36:01.038
They do do that.

00:36:01.097 --> 00:36:03.434
Yeah, they will ask you, they don't care.

00:36:03.434 --> 00:36:05.637
People are bold, they don't care.

00:36:05.724 --> 00:36:23.422
But when you're, I feel like I'm not married either, but I feel like when your relationship is strong, even in dating, if y'all have something as strong as that, you're committed to or you really care about this person, then you really care about their emotions, and that comes with safety.

00:36:23.422 --> 00:36:24.326
That's what.

00:36:24.326 --> 00:36:35.036
That's what feeling safe, feel like like you're, we're here together and I don't have to worry and the second, those feelings come up or something's going on.

00:36:35.036 --> 00:36:40.442
I don't have to do, but that comes with mature conversations with somebody right.

00:36:40.782 --> 00:36:52.989
So when you're having mature conversations and you're dating or you decide whatever you're going to do, y'all do know, as women, we could be seeing somebody and then after a while we just assume we, they, whatever, and they never even ask us.

00:36:52.989 --> 00:37:02.885
You know, there's a lot of assumptions, but once and I always say we just doing this till we don't, until somebody asks the other person like we gotta have that.

00:37:02.925 --> 00:37:09.708
We have to have the adult conversation right, and then, once you do that, you have to feel secure and safe and be this is what it is.

00:37:09.708 --> 00:37:11.079
And as an adult, when it's not that, you have to feel secure and safe and be this is what it is.

00:37:11.079 --> 00:37:19.293
And as an adult, when it's not anymore, then you have to be an adult and let's have a conversation to move this along.

00:37:19.313 --> 00:37:20.034
What are we doing?

00:37:20.034 --> 00:37:21.103
What are we doing?

00:37:21.967 --> 00:37:23.130
People just don't do that.

00:37:23.130 --> 00:37:24.355
It's communication.

00:37:24.355 --> 00:37:25.610
We don't communicate like we should.

00:37:25.985 --> 00:37:42.295
Well that's why I think friendships to build a friendship first is the foundation, yes, and I build friendships with everyone that I've dated to, where I don't have like real bad breakups they're, they're real amicable, and I'm like yeah, this ain't, this ain't uh working out for me.

00:37:42.295 --> 00:37:44.610
I release you out of love and I can see her.

00:37:44.610 --> 00:37:46.755
We just yeah, and so that's when they're well.

00:37:46.755 --> 00:37:50.612
You have abandonment issues because of your past and I'm like like, oh, friend, you throwing up.

00:37:50.652 --> 00:37:51.213
What's going?

00:37:51.353 --> 00:37:56.509
on Like don't, don't do that and it's not to have abandonment issues.

00:37:56.528 --> 00:38:00.030
I'm just not going to keep putting up with your shit at the end of the day and I release you.

00:38:00.431 --> 00:38:00.893
I love.

00:38:00.893 --> 00:38:03.813
And I'm still cool with a lot of my exes.

00:38:03.813 --> 00:38:12.429
We still have conversations because I just don't have bad breakups.

00:38:12.329 --> 00:38:13.755
I really communicate as an adult, but I like what you say.

00:38:13.755 --> 00:38:13.958
We're just what you say.

00:38:13.958 --> 00:38:17.231
We're doing this until we're not until we're not, yeah, we're just about to start running that?

00:38:17.251 --> 00:38:21.606
yeah, I'm about to use the shit out of it because at the end of the day, that's right that's.

00:38:21.606 --> 00:38:22.670
That's what it is.

00:38:22.670 --> 00:38:27.788
And if I feel like we're not meshing and this ain't going anywhere, hey, let's have a conversation.

00:38:27.788 --> 00:38:30.112
And I have adult comment and they're uncomfortable.

00:38:30.112 --> 00:38:32.797
A lot of times they just sitting there tapping, can't believe this.

00:38:32.817 --> 00:38:39.858
You doing me like this and hey, yeah, I mean me and anthony have gone through phases where we didn't talk.

00:38:39.858 --> 00:38:48.219
I mean he worked that night, I worked during the day and it would just be ships passing in the night right and just be like like you said.

00:38:48.219 --> 00:38:49.182
Then you got to be an adult.

00:38:49.202 --> 00:38:51.108
Say okay what's going on now?

00:38:51.108 --> 00:38:53.775
What's what we what, what, what let's talk.

00:38:54.527 --> 00:38:54.706
So who's?

00:38:54.726 --> 00:38:55.871
the bigger person, you or him?

00:38:55.871 --> 00:38:57.275
Who's the bigger person?

00:38:57.275 --> 00:38:58.947
You mean, like who's going to apologize?

00:38:58.967 --> 00:39:18.311
first I feel like, I feel like I feel like I'm the one that always has to back down, because I'm like anthony will sit there like real calm, and then you feel crazy like dang calm, dang okay, he's not gonna look.

00:39:18.311 --> 00:39:31.657
Dang, and it used to be a place where I yelled a lot and then I stopped and looked and I was like he don't hear me.

00:39:31.657 --> 00:39:36.590
Okay, okay, I can't hear when you yell, yeah.

00:39:36.952 --> 00:39:54.572
Yeah, so then I stopped and even my son had a situation where he upset me and I said nothing and for days my son was like I'm going gonna need you to yell at me, cuss me out something because something ain't right, something I don't like.

00:39:54.592 --> 00:39:56.179
This I don't like this?

00:39:56.601 --> 00:40:00.893
you not saying that that's like danger right, there right and it.

00:40:00.893 --> 00:40:17.297
I got to a point now where I'll say you know, the warning is okay, you start running when I say all right now yeah, that yeah, because I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, and that drives him crazy and he's like cheryl say something to me, what?

00:40:18.963 --> 00:40:19.324
what would you?

00:40:19.344 --> 00:40:21.994
like me to say oh, they hate that I ain't got nothing.

00:40:22.074 --> 00:40:27.327
No, we in trouble then I have a question now that we're talking, my wheels are spinning.

00:40:27.327 --> 00:40:35.108
Now my wheels are spinning, so you know you'll hear therapists or people talk about.

00:40:35.108 --> 00:40:39.943
Well, everybody, the ultimate goal is is to get married right, so why?

00:40:40.003 --> 00:40:40.923
are you with somebody?

00:40:40.923 --> 00:40:43.088
Why are you doing that if y'all don't plan on getting married?

00:40:43.088 --> 00:40:46.414
You see that a lot on tiktok, instagram and all of that stuff.

00:40:46.414 --> 00:40:51.471
But first of all, everybody I mean everybody is not looking to get married.

00:40:51.471 --> 00:40:58.840
But the question is when you're in this dating realm, isn't that something that you think that should be discussed?

00:40:58.840 --> 00:41:03.809
If that's what your ultimate goal is, yeah, it's not wasting time, right?

00:41:03.849 --> 00:41:04.248
yeah, that's yes.

00:41:04.248 --> 00:41:05.652
That's what your ultimate goal is.

00:41:05.891 --> 00:41:08.061
Yeah, that's like I know you want your girl.

00:41:08.201 --> 00:41:20.222
Saying deaf partner is being that you want your deaf buddy yeah that's a conversation that you're having up front yeah, okay, you know, I was just curious about that.

00:41:20.262 --> 00:41:26.219
Yeah, and my current one was like oh, I don't know, one get me and I'm like so, okay, we basically gonna do this till it's done till.

00:41:26.239 --> 00:41:32.976
You're not till, I'm not yeah but there's no surprise yeah, I already told you don't sit over here.

00:41:32.976 --> 00:41:34.340
You'll be single.

00:41:34.340 --> 00:41:36.748
Okay, don't okay.

00:41:36.907 --> 00:41:40.639
Yeah, I have those conversations yeah, I let them know.

00:41:40.639 --> 00:41:42.666
I'm dating with a purpose and this is my intention.

00:41:42.666 --> 00:41:43.248
What are yours?

00:41:43.248 --> 00:41:47.139
Oh, I know okay but you're but, you're still dating.

00:41:50.846 --> 00:41:54.271
Yeah, don't, don't come on this side of the couch with me well, no, it's.

00:41:54.431 --> 00:41:57.485
It's companionship for me and, I guess, for both of us.

00:41:57.485 --> 00:41:59.956
Currently we're companions to each other.

00:41:59.956 --> 00:42:12.027
We both know what we want and we just don't do it until it's done yeah honestly, and so that conversation is like yeah, I think, okay, I want all right, man, it's been cool and yeah, and we'll just go about our way.

00:42:12.027 --> 00:42:17.291
We'll still be friends, of course, but no, we'll just go, but do you feel like?

00:42:17.391 --> 00:42:22.067
because someone is in that space, what you're looking for can't come into that space because it's already occupied.

00:42:22.829 --> 00:42:24.032
No, I walk around every day.

00:42:24.032 --> 00:42:26.485
I'm one hell of a way.

00:42:26.485 --> 00:42:27.992
One hell of a way.

00:42:27.992 --> 00:42:31.148
She said one hell of a way.

00:42:31.148 --> 00:42:33.487
Some might speak to me, but people don't.

00:42:33.487 --> 00:42:35.887
And that's actually how he got in.

00:42:35.887 --> 00:42:48.561
Men don't approach me, they just don't, they just stare and stare and stare and the fact that you go hey, can I talk?

00:42:48.561 --> 00:42:49.664
They just don't, they just stare, and stare and stare.

00:42:49.684 --> 00:42:51.068
And the fact that you're like hey, I was like, oh shit, and that's also.

00:42:51.068 --> 00:42:52.954
I respect you as a man, because men do not, it's like they're scared of me or something.

00:42:52.974 --> 00:43:02.105
Yeah, and I was like man, you're a whole man out here and I appreciated that about him and this, our friendship, just kind of grew into something we were friends and we're real good friends.

00:43:02.105 --> 00:43:15.527
He's like you're my best friend and so we're really really good friends, so you're so animated so there's.

00:43:15.588 --> 00:43:22.195
There's no secret sauce, it's just day by day it is day day, it is year by year.

00:43:22.195 --> 00:43:24.436
It is just building stuff together.

00:43:24.436 --> 00:43:27.969
Yeah, not material stuff, but just.

00:43:27.969 --> 00:43:34.887
Yeah, it's just, and you look up and it's 39 years later.

00:43:35.481 --> 00:43:36.945
It'll be 40 in August.

00:43:36.945 --> 00:43:37.829
Look at that.

00:43:38.621 --> 00:43:42.150
You sit there and be like whoa, that's a lot.

00:43:42.679 --> 00:43:43.387
But that's a flex too.

00:43:43.387 --> 00:43:43.786
Whoa what in the world?

00:43:43.786 --> 00:43:45.711
That's a lot, but that's a flex too, though it's a merit to somebody.

00:43:45.920 --> 00:44:00.230
Like that's the biggest flex that you have a relationship that just lasted through time and time ups and downs, like a lot of people can't say that yeah, they can't say that Well, that's why we had to have somebody else come on the couch because none of us say

00:44:00.250 --> 00:44:00.471
that.

00:44:01.340 --> 00:44:03.052
Yeah, else come on the couch, because none of us say that, yeah we can't say that.

00:44:03.072 --> 00:44:08.088
It's definitely a ride for sure, and I think what I respect for him is that he does.

00:44:08.088 --> 00:44:14.248
I allow him to be him yes, that's so important, so right like we gotta work on cheryl.

00:44:14.289 --> 00:44:15.291
We gotta work on cheryl.

00:44:15.291 --> 00:44:18.603
I'm actually excited.

00:44:18.762 --> 00:44:28.802
I'm now getting excited about opening myself up to things like because people invite me to things that before I wouldn't go, mm-hmm, I'm not gonna bother stuff.

00:44:28.802 --> 00:44:43.213
But now I'm going out there, you know, just to see what Cheryl enjoy, not to throw myself up, you're right.

00:44:43.233 --> 00:44:48.824
Not I mean you know, he, he knows you have a good set of friends and I think it's really gonna have a good time.

00:44:48.885 --> 00:44:58.454
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah right, like it is weird for me when we moved to the south from jersey, like my friends knew that they were welcome to my house.

00:44:58.454 --> 00:45:01.871
You're just welcome to my house if I'm I didn't get home yet.

00:45:01.871 --> 00:45:06.465
Whatever anthony's there going in the house, you know, do eat your food, whatever.

00:45:06.465 --> 00:45:27.123
When we moved here and people were like, oh, you're not home, okay, I'm just gonna sit in the car and wait till you get here what it's a hospital, a southern respect hospitable thing down here right but that was weird to us because, now are who, who, who don't, who don't you trust you or him?

00:45:27.384 --> 00:45:29.188
because I don't, I don't know.

00:45:29.188 --> 00:45:33.268
I just think it's just like that that's ridiculous.

00:45:33.329 --> 00:45:46.809
Go in the house like what are you talking about me in my house if I'm not here, see, that's just well, I mean if my family, because it's always a family so it's never just him in the house, it's always somebody so go and make yourself comfortable, I'll call.

00:45:46.829 --> 00:46:00.380
You can be like, hey, so-and-so, sitting in the driveway and y'all know, anthony, he will be like, get out of the car, just come in the house and and people be like, oh okay, and then they'll call back like I'm in the house, oh okay, this is fine, I'll be there in a minute.

00:46:00.380 --> 00:46:02.025
Just hold on, I'll be there in a minute.

00:46:02.025 --> 00:46:02.945
Don't take your coat off.

00:46:02.985 --> 00:46:15.751
If you feel that way, that was weird for us because we're we are such a enveloping family like everybody's, like, oh, come on in, take off your shoes, relax, yeah, kind of atmosphere.

00:46:15.751 --> 00:46:18.123
And to to not meet people that aren't like.

00:46:18.123 --> 00:46:21.268
That is weird to me and that's my discernment.

00:46:21.268 --> 00:46:25.788
It's like, okay, I'm not, I'm not kicking it with it's you, but what?

00:46:25.788 --> 00:46:35.134
You are no, but there are certain people that I absolutely I am not, you're not getting my address period.

00:46:35.335 --> 00:46:35.474
Um.

00:46:35.474 --> 00:46:50.952
So that's the part of me that's now opening myself up to saying, hey, it's okay for you to go out and do xyz, it's okay for you to tell anthony, hey, I need the car today because I'm going to x, y and z and I think he is happier now.

00:46:50.972 --> 00:46:53.445
She's doing stuff I'm not sitting in the house.

00:46:53.826 --> 00:47:00.063
When you come home I can see that you gotta play 5 30 while you're in the home.

00:47:00.063 --> 00:47:02.626
It's 5's 545.

00:47:02.626 --> 00:47:06.855
I think he's happier like y'all was getting dressed and I was sitting at the table.

00:47:06.855 --> 00:47:08.824
He was like, ok, I'm getting ready to go get this car fixed.

00:47:08.824 --> 00:47:09.947
I'm going to be downtown.

00:47:09.947 --> 00:47:11.030
He was like you, good, I'm good.

00:47:11.030 --> 00:47:14.367
Ok, goodbye, because he's like she's out the house.

00:47:14.367 --> 00:47:14.829
Oh, shoot.

00:47:15.619 --> 00:47:18.346
Well, she ain't going to get the house.

00:47:18.385 --> 00:47:29.010
You're outside, I'm outside, she's outside baby I'm outside and I love, it Okay, a lot of my habits, unfortunately, are things that I can only do myself.

00:47:29.010 --> 00:47:32.110
You know, like crocheting or making my rugs and stuff.

00:47:32.110 --> 00:47:33.664
Those are things that I.

00:47:33.664 --> 00:47:35.449
It's not a group effort.

00:47:35.449 --> 00:47:40.920
So I have to purposely say I'm not doing that today.

00:47:40.920 --> 00:47:43.347
I'm putting that down and I'm gonna go out.

00:47:43.347 --> 00:47:47.746
So if he'll call me, he'd be like you went to the mall, what?

00:47:48.827 --> 00:47:49.748
by yourself.

00:47:49.969 --> 00:47:51.974
Yes, I went to the mall by myself.

00:47:51.974 --> 00:47:57.771
I didn't like it, but I went to the mall and it's funny to them because my entire family feels the same way.

00:47:57.771 --> 00:47:58.701
Like she.

00:47:58.701 --> 00:48:01.586
Not in the house when she at what?

00:48:01.967 --> 00:48:07.547
You're calling me 500 times Even my grandson now calls me.

00:48:07.659 --> 00:48:08.920
I'm just calling to see what you're doing.

00:48:09.820 --> 00:48:09.960
Girl.

00:48:09.960 --> 00:48:10.603
I was scared them.

00:48:10.603 --> 00:48:12.385
Girls are deaf about staying home that much.

00:48:13.121 --> 00:48:15.068
They dragged me to the mental institution.

00:48:16.320 --> 00:48:18.594
But and then again.

00:48:18.635 --> 00:48:26.905
another part of that is, I'm my mother's caretaker now, so that's a whole nother conversation about taking care of your aging parents, right.

00:48:26.985 --> 00:48:31.262
I got to make sure somebody's covering me when I'm running out.

00:48:31.262 --> 00:48:35.981
So just like you, and you call and I said give me them dates, because I got to write it on family calendar.

00:48:36.021 --> 00:48:41.811
So y'all know, none of y'all can go away this week because I'm out and before I would have been like no.

00:48:41.851 --> 00:48:42.331
I?

00:48:42.331 --> 00:48:43.353
No, I can't go.

00:48:43.353 --> 00:48:47.286
I gotta take care of my mom and I feel like I missed out on a lot.

00:48:47.286 --> 00:48:53.643
Yeah, doing that, not thinking somebody else can do it, right that they can help.

00:48:53.643 --> 00:48:58.900
Okay, if you don't do it the way I did it, I come home she's still alive, right?

00:48:58.900 --> 00:49:03.791
Or they'll call me on facetime to be like your mother's not cooperating today.

00:49:03.791 --> 00:49:05.001
I'm gonna need you to talk to her.

00:49:05.001 --> 00:49:12.646
So we go on FaceTime and the first thing she says when you're coming home soon I'm not giving you a date because then you'll be calling me.

00:49:12.646 --> 00:49:18.307
It's that day you're not home, so I'll be like you'll be all right, everything's fine.

00:49:18.307 --> 00:49:22.360
You're not connected to no IB poles and they're like that.

00:49:22.360 --> 00:49:26.344
You're still up and walking around and they'll be like she ain't taking her medicine.

00:49:26.344 --> 00:49:31.920
Oh well, she don't want to do right, it'll wait till I get home.

00:49:31.920 --> 00:49:38.943
So that's a that's a new thing for me to let that go, to let that go and not think, oh my god, she's gonna die while I'm gone.

00:49:39.684 --> 00:49:44.173
Put yourself first, so you're going to have to come to our classes.

00:49:44.239 --> 00:49:45.978
Are we doing what Belly dancing?

00:49:45.978 --> 00:49:48.902
We're going to do a belly dancing we're going to do.

00:49:48.983 --> 00:49:56.208
we have a sexologist that is coming on in a couple of episodes that we have scheduled to come on and join us.

00:49:56.208 --> 00:49:56.664
Who's going to?

00:49:56.664 --> 00:50:14.987
Not to say first of all, not to say we ain't sexy, but to get that inner sexy back, if that makes sense, because we've been mommy, and mommy and wifey and everything else for so long I want that little sex kitten back.

00:50:15.208 --> 00:50:15.469
It is.

00:50:16.262 --> 00:50:17.186
That's a yeah.

00:50:17.800 --> 00:50:21.884
To find yourself to say I'm still relevant, yes, that.

00:50:21.965 --> 00:50:22.570
I'm still.

00:50:22.570 --> 00:50:38.905
That's the whole purpose of timeless and unfiltered from every aspect, from your being married, from being single just for being over 50, just for being over 40 that we're still relevant we're not disposable we are still relevant.

00:50:38.925 --> 00:50:41.108
I have a third eye in my forehead Right.

00:50:41.889 --> 00:50:42.090
And.

00:50:42.389 --> 00:50:45.034
I still need to in that Kelly Rowland line.

00:50:45.034 --> 00:50:45.974
I keep myself up.

00:50:45.974 --> 00:50:48.507
But, now I'm doing it for me.

00:50:48.507 --> 00:50:52.878
I'm doing it for me so yep, all right.

00:50:53.260 --> 00:50:58.512
Well, I can't wait to see how you evolve in this new Cheryl.

00:50:58.512 --> 00:51:05.485
Not that we just don't love Cheryl, but if Cheryl is going to be more than what she already is, she's going to be a hot mess, and I can't wait to see her.

00:51:05.485 --> 00:51:13.905
I live for all of it Don't come on this side of the couch with me, but I'm going to live for all of it, but thank you so much for joining us.

00:51:14.380 --> 00:51:15.170
Thank you for having me.

00:51:15.170 --> 00:51:16.800
We love a good love story.

00:51:17.101 --> 00:51:20.027
Thank you, I'm glad you made it Well.

00:51:20.027 --> 00:51:22.512
You guys can't see, but we got our EP Mo over there.

00:51:22.512 --> 00:51:24.965
Thanks Mo, thanks Mo, you hold us down.

00:51:24.965 --> 00:51:28.931
Man, and this is another episode of Timeless is Unfiltered, and I'm Allegra.

00:51:29.072 --> 00:51:30.880
I'm Stephanie, I'm Charisse and I'm Evanya.

00:51:31.079 --> 00:51:35.130
And we're going to keep on, keep on, keep on spilling the tea on midlife.

00:51:35.130 --> 00:51:36.898
One laugh at a time.

00:51:37.940 --> 00:51:39.422
Thank you, you guys like follow?

00:51:39.442 --> 00:51:40.061
subscribe.

00:51:40.061 --> 00:51:42.784
Yes, like follow and subscribe right now.