March 25, 2025

Nobody Warned US

Nobody Warned US
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Nobody Warned US

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In this video, we share our honest experience with menopause symptoms like hot flashes, frequent urination, and vision changes. Nobody warned us about these changes, so we're here to talk about it openly and offer some tips for managing these symptoms.

Nobody Warned Us About Menopause: It’s More Than Hot Flashes is the brutally honest, laugh-out-loud series that spills the real tea on menopause—the good, the bad, and the downright sweaty. Everyone talks about hot flashes like they’re the worst part, but what about the brain fog that makes you forget why you walked into a room? Or the mood swings that have you crying over a dog food commercial one minute and ready to fight your mailman the next?

This series dives into all the things they should have warned us about—like waking up at 3 AM for no reason, suddenly needing a fan in every room, or realizing your sex drive has either disappeared completely or turned into a raging teenager. With hilarious personal stories, expert advice, and real talk about everything from weight gain to weird body changes, Nobody Warned Us About Menopause is your survival guide to this wild ride.

So, grab a cold drink (because, let’s be real, you’re probably overheating right now), and join us as we laugh, vent, and figure this menopause thing out together. Because if we don’t laugh about it, we might just start crying again!

Support the show

💬 Join the conversation! Follow us on social media to see our weekly questions, then leave us a voicemail at timelessandunfiltered.com. Your message might be featured in an upcoming episode! Watch us on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@TimelessandUnfilteredPodcast.

📸 Instagram: @timelessandunfiltered

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🌐 Website: timelessandunfiltered.com


Chapters

00:00 - Intimate Confessions & Body Changes

05:15 - Vision Problems in Midlife

08:22 - Bladder Issues & Pee Dreams

13:36 - Hot Flashes & Sleep Disruptions

22:10 - Financial Concerns & Retirement Planning

26:12 - Weight Gain & Changing Bodies

29:57 - Sex Lives in Midlife

Transcript
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00:00:00.923 --> 00:00:02.967
But you remember when you used to wet the whole bed.

00:00:02.967 --> 00:00:05.939
When did that stop?

00:00:07.596 --> 00:00:08.000
When did that stop?

00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:09.454
I think it depends on the person.

00:00:09.454 --> 00:00:11.929
Honestly, he's still young.

00:00:12.301 --> 00:00:14.960
See, you're still messing with the women that still wet up the whole bed.

00:00:14.960 --> 00:00:17.606
When did that stop and what happened?

00:00:17.628 --> 00:00:18.971
to it the right person had you?

00:00:19.682 --> 00:00:30.047
No, the right person will, but if you just looked at this, Look at me Now.

00:00:30.088 --> 00:00:31.489
you had the man like trying to comment.

00:00:31.510 --> 00:00:32.250
Can I try it out?

00:00:32.250 --> 00:00:34.353
It was more than just a flat.

00:00:34.353 --> 00:00:35.115
No, it was hot.

00:00:35.115 --> 00:00:43.234
It was hot because it scared him for a minute.

00:00:44.176 --> 00:00:44.796
This is Legra.

00:00:44.796 --> 00:00:45.624
This is Stephanie.

00:00:45.683 --> 00:00:46.850
This is Cherie and this is Legra.

00:00:46.850 --> 00:00:48.537
This is Stephanie.

00:00:48.537 --> 00:00:48.960
This is Cherie.

00:00:54.372 --> 00:01:06.780
And this is Ivanya, and this is Timeless and Unfiltered where we are spilling the tea on midlife one laugh at a time.

00:01:06.780 --> 00:01:13.816
Welcome to another episode of Timeless and Unfiltered I, I'm stephanie, I'm sharice and I'm ivania, and we would like you to like, follow and subscribe.

00:01:13.837 --> 00:01:26.013
click that button we don't know where to put the button somewhere on the screen like follow and subscribe thank you, thank you, thank, because we're going to spill the tea on midlife.

00:01:26.343 --> 00:01:28.364
One laugh at a time One laugh at a time.

00:01:28.364 --> 00:01:29.665
Well, let's jump right in.

00:01:29.665 --> 00:01:39.454
Let's talk about things you wish somebody had told us about or warned us about, this stage of life, about midlife.

00:01:39.454 --> 00:01:41.265
I'm going to start with my vision.

00:01:41.265 --> 00:01:42.564
Let's just start with that.

00:01:42.680 --> 00:01:43.099
I didn't know.

00:01:43.200 --> 00:01:43.980
I wouldn't be able to see.

00:01:43.980 --> 00:01:55.971
I love to read and I don't read very often because even with glasses it's hard to see and I don't know when I stopped being able to read the pill bottle, I know.

00:01:55.971 --> 00:01:58.213
Or if I'm cooking something in the kitchen, trying to read.

00:01:58.213 --> 00:02:01.275
I don't read as much, but it's my vision.

00:02:01.456 --> 00:02:04.240
Yeah, I think that's dark.

00:02:04.240 --> 00:02:05.305
I don't know when it starts.

00:02:05.424 --> 00:02:20.961
I had went and got lasik because I couldn't see far away I think, just nearsighted I couldn't see far away and I think at the time I was like 30, 35, 36 and the doctor was like oh, you're approaching 40, you might want to go get an eye for reading.

00:02:20.961 --> 00:02:25.388
I might need no reading eye and I thought I was gonna have like mismatched eyes.

00:02:25.388 --> 00:02:34.108
I was thinking real stupid and he was like, no, as you approach 40, your eye loses this elasticity oh, he was like you're gonna need reading glasses.

00:02:34.188 --> 00:02:36.300
Everyone is, and I'm like, man, I'm good, I'm good.

00:02:36.300 --> 00:02:40.489
Oh man, I so wish I did it, because now I'm back to wearing glasses.

00:02:40.489 --> 00:02:50.229
I had a surgery so I wouldn't need glasses, and now I'm right back wearing glasses because I didn't get the um eye for reading and then I could have got.

00:02:50.248 --> 00:02:52.193
You could have gotten the distance.

00:02:52.193 --> 00:02:53.984
Yeah, one eye for reading.

00:02:54.003 --> 00:02:57.451
That's what Kyra did, so she waited like five years after my lacing.

00:02:57.451 --> 00:03:00.151
She's like you, you ain't going blind and nothing over there, are you?

00:03:00.151 --> 00:03:01.276
And I was like no girl.

00:03:01.276 --> 00:03:02.200
I'm about to go get the.

00:03:02.200 --> 00:03:12.639
Uh, the, the, the surgery and she doesn't have to wear reading glasses because she went and I was like oh man, so you can't, you can't have it redone.

00:03:12.639 --> 00:03:14.645
No, he said, once they do it.

00:03:14.705 --> 00:03:20.469
I can't come back and have it done, but check and see, because there's new stuff out there, because I saw another doctor that says they do different types of surgery.

00:03:20.469 --> 00:03:26.703
I couldn't tell you what they're called because I had LASIK also and I'm to the point where I'm about to start needing readers, and I don't want to.

00:03:27.405 --> 00:03:28.628
So I'm going to check it out.

00:03:28.628 --> 00:03:33.325
Let me know if you get to it before I do, because I don't like glasses.

00:03:33.366 --> 00:03:34.925
Glasses give me headaches, they press me.

00:03:36.203 --> 00:03:37.486
They make this little thing.

00:03:37.507 --> 00:03:46.706
When they don't, they'll go right back to having that I got rid of that now they may have changed technology now so you may be able to get another surgery.

00:03:46.727 --> 00:03:47.848
Because I'm waiting for mine.

00:03:47.848 --> 00:03:49.248
No one told me about the vision.

00:03:49.248 --> 00:03:50.110
What about you?

00:03:50.110 --> 00:03:55.896
No one told you about it that I'm going to have to pee more or can't hold it Can't hold it.

00:03:57.302 --> 00:04:00.103
As a kid, my mom said don't hold your pee, just go to the bathroom.

00:04:00.103 --> 00:04:00.784
I'm going to hold mine.

00:04:00.784 --> 00:04:01.628
I'm going to pee all day.

00:04:01.628 --> 00:04:11.104
I hate waking up in the middle of the night.

00:04:11.104 --> 00:04:12.348
Use the bathroom, that's one thing.

00:04:12.348 --> 00:04:14.312
I just oh my god, hold it, then you have the pee dream like am I in the bathroom?

00:04:14.332 --> 00:04:14.532
the pee.

00:04:14.552 --> 00:04:15.215
Dream like I'm.

00:04:15.215 --> 00:04:22.240
I'm in the bathroom but nothing's coming out, and it's like my body tell me don't pee in this bed like get up and go to the bathroom.

00:04:22.240 --> 00:04:25.829
I'm like it's just not coming, I coming to campaign.

00:04:25.889 --> 00:04:36.142
I've never had a dream because you lazy and subconsciously your brain is like bitch you gotta pee get up, go to, but you don't want to get up and pee.

00:04:36.142 --> 00:04:38.829
So then now it's like in your dream you gotta pee.

00:04:38.850 --> 00:04:40.101
You need to get up and pee.

00:04:40.101 --> 00:04:41.064
It's a pee dream.

00:04:41.064 --> 00:04:47.810
Yeah, I haven't had a pee dream well, I didn't know if that's what's called.

00:04:47.829 --> 00:04:57.908
That's why I call it the pd or that when you start getting older, um and if you have any type of bladder inconsistencies, if you, if I sneeze, oh that one.

00:04:57.908 --> 00:05:06.113
If you're a little squirt of piss, yeah, so you're pissing, yeah no, and I'm working out if I'm choking and coughing, oh my.

00:05:06.214 --> 00:05:10.879
If I'm jumping, if I do jumping jacks, yeah, you're like ha yeah, no one warned me.

00:05:10.879 --> 00:05:12.533
Nobody told me about that one.

00:05:12.553 --> 00:05:14.865
I wasn't warned and I know it don't happen to everybody.

00:05:14.886 --> 00:05:15.728
Yeah, that happens.

00:05:16.420 --> 00:05:19.124
No, but my doctor OBGYN says it's very common.

00:05:19.403 --> 00:05:20.826
I mean, sure it is.

00:05:20.826 --> 00:05:25.713
I'm just glad I hadn't got that yet, or hopefully I don't get that.

00:05:25.892 --> 00:05:27.875
But, if you do Kegels, sometimes it could pull Kegels.

00:05:28.055 --> 00:05:29.497
Yeah so they say sit down do it.

00:05:29.497 --> 00:05:30.019
You got to do a lot.

00:05:30.019 --> 00:05:33.949
Just the thought that you were sitting there flexing on the couch.

00:05:33.949 --> 00:05:35.846
Yeah the noni egg, you do the egg.

00:05:41.749 --> 00:05:45.535
No, I just I barely Kegel if she watches this, but it's still funny to me to this day.

00:05:45.535 --> 00:05:49.891
She was, you know, when they they do the kegel eggs and they have like the glass ones.

00:05:49.891 --> 00:05:57.706
Yeah, she, she had a glass egg and she was you know, she does it when you're chilling around the house or whatever, and she's chilling around the house.

00:05:57.706 --> 00:05:58.649
She got her egg in.

00:05:58.649 --> 00:06:02.161
Well, she got company and she forgot the egg was in.

00:06:02.161 --> 00:06:09.403
Oh yeah, she forgot the egg was in and you know, you know they start messing around a little bit or whatever.

00:06:09.403 --> 00:06:16.663
And she remembered the egg and was like um, wait, hold on a second and pop the egg.

00:06:16.903 --> 00:06:21.810
She didn't tell him that she had it in there.

00:06:22.172 --> 00:06:32.029
She said it was some fluids on the egg and stuff and at first it freaked him out and then he got excited about it Go to hell you pop an egg.

00:06:32.050 --> 00:06:32.791
What else can you do?

00:06:32.791 --> 00:06:33.874
What other tricks you got?

00:06:34.240 --> 00:06:43.040
I still remember when she called to tell me that I said you did what she said, girl, I just was like wait, hold on, and popped the egg out.

00:06:43.040 --> 00:07:01.675
But yeah, but she said it really helps with kegels and stuff to build your bladder, your pelvic floor, really, yeah, your pelvic floor because that's what it is whatever exercise you can do, ladies, please don't but yeah, I haven't had the the sneeze and I can't hold it like I used to.

00:07:01.694 --> 00:07:05.387
Yeah, so if I say, oh, I gotta pee, it can wait, just no, it can't let me go and go to yeah.

00:07:05.408 --> 00:07:06.050
So if I say, oh, I got to pee.

00:07:06.071 --> 00:07:06.634
It can wait, just go.

00:07:06.634 --> 00:07:06.935
No, it can't.

00:07:06.935 --> 00:07:07.598
Let me go and go to the bathroom.

00:07:07.598 --> 00:07:07.939
See, I'm a camel.

00:07:07.939 --> 00:07:09.887
I can hold mine forever.

00:07:09.887 --> 00:07:26.536
That's the one thing I can do Unless you sneeze, unless I sneeze, I'll be like oh shit, oh my God, and I went to the doctor and I walk around smelling like little pissy so he didn't know he was like I don't know girl.

00:07:26.536 --> 00:07:28.476
Yes, he looked like prince.

00:07:28.476 --> 00:07:33.497
He's so little and petite and cute and so when he left the nurse she's a woman of our age.

00:07:33.517 --> 00:07:46.326
She's like that's because we're not emptying our bladder fully so she said, when you go to the bathroom and pee, she said because you always have maybe like two or three drops that you didn't get out so she was like you lean forward and squeeze.

00:07:46.326 --> 00:07:52.783
I do that them and see I I didn't know that and she said that's why you'll smell pee.

00:07:52.783 --> 00:07:56.199
And she said because you might have two, two to three little drops left that you didn't get out.

00:07:56.199 --> 00:07:58.545
So she said lean over and squeeze.

00:07:58.545 --> 00:08:01.321
And she said you hear them little things yeah, you do and then, you'll be fine.

00:08:01.341 --> 00:08:01.922
I was like nobody.

00:08:01.922 --> 00:08:03.064
I never know, I never heard that.

00:08:03.084 --> 00:08:04.084
Well, I've never heard that.

00:08:04.084 --> 00:08:06.369
Yeah, I do Every time that I use the bathroom.

00:08:06.389 --> 00:08:08.372
when I finish, I lean forward, yeah.

00:08:08.492 --> 00:08:10.254
And almost do a Kegel exercise.

00:08:13.322 --> 00:08:19.927
Yeah, I was going to say in Swedish and that last little two, three drops come out, I'm like yep, now I'm done, so you walk around smelling fresh all day.

00:08:19.947 --> 00:08:23.408
Sometimes you say the random farts, okay, nobody told.

00:08:23.408 --> 00:08:27.973
Well, I think part of it is because things you used to be able to eat you can't eat anymore.

00:08:27.973 --> 00:08:32.456
You're not eating as much Like you know, even us, we had lunch earlier today.

00:08:32.456 --> 00:08:38.561
I had to run upstairs and go to the bathroom Like what is my body doing?

00:08:38.581 --> 00:08:50.505
Something I ate said nope, uh-uh, ma'am, you don't know that, uh-uh, ma no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no.

00:08:50.525 --> 00:08:59.828
No no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:08:59.828 --> 00:09:00.889
It's just health issues.

00:09:00.889 --> 00:09:02.610
You have to just get it all out.

00:09:02.610 --> 00:09:03.711
You don't want to have digestive.

00:09:04.451 --> 00:09:06.991
Well, you already know, one of my biggest ones too, is the hot flashes.

00:09:06.991 --> 00:09:11.333
But I used to see women have hot flashes.

00:09:11.333 --> 00:09:16.436
But I think until you start to have them, you don't understand it, you don't get it.

00:09:16.436 --> 00:09:20.878
So the hot flashes, as I'm sitting here right now with our fifth co-host, the fan.

00:09:20.878 --> 00:09:28.581
But it's even worse I haven't slept.

00:09:28.581 --> 00:09:31.293
I haven't slept probably in over a year where I can say I've slept through the night, and probably over a year.

00:09:31.293 --> 00:09:32.740
Why does it keep you from sleeping?

00:09:32.740 --> 00:09:37.470
Because I have hot flashes during my sleep, and so I'm sleep.

00:09:38.051 --> 00:09:39.841
I gotta get out of the covers because I'm hot.

00:09:39.841 --> 00:09:41.825
Now I'm freezing.

00:09:42.065 --> 00:09:42.767
I gotta put.

00:09:42.986 --> 00:09:46.553
I probably take my covers on and off a good 10 to 15 times every night.

00:09:46.553 --> 00:09:51.049
I haven't had a full night's sleep in probably at least over a year.

00:09:51.049 --> 00:10:01.304
I don't sleep, which is why, when the morning comes now, you're exhausted so you pass out and fall asleep and you need to get up.

00:10:01.304 --> 00:10:01.947
I got work to do.

00:10:01.947 --> 00:10:04.006
I don't have time to sleep till 10, 11 o'clock.

00:10:04.006 --> 00:10:04.870
I'm exhausted.

00:10:04.870 --> 00:10:06.645
I haven't slept all night.

00:10:08.264 --> 00:10:08.809
What causes them?

00:10:08.809 --> 00:10:09.580
Do we know what causes them?

00:10:09.580 --> 00:10:12.259
I have night sweats, real bad Night sweats.

00:10:12.259 --> 00:10:14.673
I'm like kicking my leg out trying to get in.

00:10:15.020 --> 00:10:18.926
Put that one leg out, I wake up and that's why he be like you just be stripping.

00:10:31.980 --> 00:10:32.481
You be butt naked naked.

00:10:32.481 --> 00:10:34.206
Then you're like I'm cool, but you know that's estrogen covers up, that's your estrogen.

00:10:34.206 --> 00:10:35.029
You need to have your estrogen tested.

00:10:35.029 --> 00:10:38.360
Um, but the moment I'm clear medically for estrogen, that's the first thing, the first thing I will be blind with bifocal zone, but my estrogen gonna be all right.

00:10:38.900 --> 00:10:44.405
I might not be able to see, but I'm going to get that estrogen because that you know, for me it's my quality of life.

00:10:44.405 --> 00:10:45.312
This man look all this because there's going to hair that estrogen, because for me it's my quality of life.

00:10:45.312 --> 00:10:48.610
This band look all this because there's growing a hair in my face.

00:10:48.610 --> 00:10:50.988
But I'm hot all the time.

00:10:50.988 --> 00:10:52.884
I'm tired of my underwear being wet.

00:10:53.547 --> 00:10:54.129
Like I am.

00:10:54.320 --> 00:10:57.711
So I will sit here soaking wet for no reason.

00:10:57.711 --> 00:10:59.667
And it's worse at night.

00:10:59.667 --> 00:11:01.245
It's worse at night.

00:11:01.245 --> 00:11:03.207
So you're burning up and you're freezing.

00:11:03.207 --> 00:11:04.761
You're burning up and you're freezing.

00:11:04.761 --> 00:11:20.623
I've been in Walmart damn near naked because I'm coming out my clothes, I'm coming out, and when they first started I didn't realize or recognize what it was, because I mean, you heard about it, but I'm having hot flashes.

00:11:20.623 --> 00:11:20.903
What is that?

00:11:20.903 --> 00:11:22.148
Literally, I was in Walmart in the checkout line.

00:11:22.148 --> 00:11:22.931
It was a long line behind me.

00:11:22.931 --> 00:11:26.260
Fortunately, my checkout lady was a little bit older lady.

00:11:26.260 --> 00:11:37.332
I was like I couldn't, and when it happens sometimes I can't hear you Because you're that hot, I'm so hot, I can't focus on what we're talking about right now.

00:11:37.332 --> 00:11:39.163
I got to solve this Right.

00:11:39.345 --> 00:11:40.307
You know what I'm saying so.

00:11:40.388 --> 00:12:00.565
I was in the checkout line and I had a major hot flash when they first started and I didn't really know what it was and everything and I was like I think I'm having a hot flash and the lady was like she just made her take your time, I can't, I can't check out right now because I can't focus on trying to give you my card Like I can't even.

00:12:00.565 --> 00:12:03.842
I'm barely I'm going to pass out and remember we were in Jamaica.

00:12:03.863 --> 00:12:05.668
I was going to say how did you survive Jamaica?

00:12:05.668 --> 00:12:06.591
Oh, no yeah.

00:12:07.841 --> 00:12:21.831
I kept going in and out the air condition but we went and when we had to go see Princess, I remember I almost fainted, oh Lord, because one I'm internally burning up and then I have the extra heat.

00:12:22.039 --> 00:12:23.908
So I've already told my doctor.

00:12:23.908 --> 00:12:29.408
And then mine are really bad because I'm One, your estrogen gets low.

00:12:29.408 --> 00:12:38.918
Now, before my diagnosis I was getting hormone therapy and the great thing about it is, when you get estrogen, your hot flashes will stop in 24 hours.

00:12:38.918 --> 00:12:42.975
You'll never have another one as long because your estrogen levels off.

00:12:42.975 --> 00:12:47.397
But because of the type of cancer I had, is estrogen driven.

00:12:47.397 --> 00:12:49.950
They're blocking my estrogen.

00:12:49.950 --> 00:12:50.631
So I'm on.

00:12:50.631 --> 00:12:53.677
I take a pill every night before I go to bed to block estrogen.

00:12:53.677 --> 00:12:56.652
So when I go to bed I'm in hell.

00:12:56.652 --> 00:12:58.677
I'm in hell.

00:12:58.677 --> 00:13:00.051
I'm in hell all day.

00:13:00.051 --> 00:13:04.034
So it's messing with my quality of life.

00:13:04.034 --> 00:13:05.485
So I told my doctor.

00:13:05.485 --> 00:13:07.008
And then they give you.

00:13:07.008 --> 00:13:17.495
Amazingly enough, they gave me Cymbalta, which is the depression medicine, and I was like well, why am I getting depression medicine?

00:13:17.495 --> 00:13:21.416
Well, you know, my little godson is a pharmacist.

00:13:21.416 --> 00:13:23.150
Why are they giving me?

00:13:24.346 --> 00:13:29.474
You know, so I had to ask someone and he said is something in the Cymbalta that's supposed to, because Cymbalta is for depression that's supposed to level off.

00:13:29.474 --> 00:13:33.764
It's for other stuff though, yeah, but it's supposed to, um, because cymbaltas for depression, that's supposed to level off.

00:13:34.628 --> 00:13:39.085
Yeah, but it's supposed to be for so many things it's supposed to level off my body temperature.

00:13:39.966 --> 00:13:43.594
So they're trying to find other methods than giving me estrogen.

00:13:43.594 --> 00:13:45.578
So but I already told them.

00:13:45.578 --> 00:13:49.100
Well, it didn't work, so they gave me something else, but I'm giving.

00:13:49.100 --> 00:13:55.629
I just started it, maybe about a week or two ago, and I told him once we I'm going to give it 60 days, but after 60 days.

00:13:55.890 --> 00:14:02.268
I'm coming off everything I'm not taking, I'm not taking the blocker, I'm not taking a single solitary thing, I quit.

00:14:02.268 --> 00:14:16.702
Oh god, you know, I, you know, could I got a double mastectomy to limit the risk?

00:14:16.702 --> 00:14:20.711
So now I can't sit around worried every day.

00:14:20.731 --> 00:14:22.176
I'm gonna have, I'm gonna get cancer.

00:14:22.196 --> 00:14:22.886
I'm gonna get cancer.

00:14:22.886 --> 00:14:24.815
Look, I tried your way.

00:14:24.815 --> 00:14:31.635
It's not working and it is really messing with my quality of life and for me, my life and joy is more important.

00:14:31.635 --> 00:14:39.330
So if I got a good ten years, if I got a good 10 years, if I got a good 20, I'm going out with a bang, but I ain't going to be sitting around here with hot flashes.

00:14:39.330 --> 00:14:40.032
I can't do this.

00:14:40.032 --> 00:14:41.856
I can't do this.

00:14:41.856 --> 00:14:43.208
I can't sleep.

00:14:43.208 --> 00:14:44.614
I'm exhausted, I'm tired.

00:14:44.614 --> 00:14:48.394
Nobody told you that hot flashes could be this severe.

00:14:48.394 --> 00:14:49.537
I didn't know it.

00:14:55.409 --> 00:14:57.399
I thought it was just going to be a little sweat on my forehead.

00:14:57.399 --> 00:14:58.705
This is going to take me down and I'm not doing it.

00:14:58.705 --> 00:15:03.000
So nobody told me hot flashes were this bad and I was going to walk around like the old lady with the fan everywhere, and then your joints.

00:15:03.019 --> 00:15:11.057
I think we didn't talk about our joints feeling hurting and not being able to drop it like we want to drop it anymore, but it happens overnight.

00:15:12.727 --> 00:15:21.359
It happens overnight, but even more so, even more than just the physical stuff, that happens um midlife.

00:15:21.359 --> 00:15:25.610
I know we were talking, or having that conversation, about people having to come out of retirement.

00:15:25.610 --> 00:15:27.693
Managing your money.

00:15:27.693 --> 00:15:31.777
Managing your money you think you have all the time in the world.

00:15:31.777 --> 00:15:47.206
You think about that 401k and for those of you that move jobs and you take your 401k or you cash out your 401k and then all of a sudden you look up, you're 55 years old and you don't have a retirement plan be a public working until you're 80.

00:15:47.506 --> 00:15:52.056
Yeah, you know and that's that's one of my fears is and.

00:15:52.056 --> 00:15:54.025
Sharisse, and I talk about this all the time too, Charisse.

00:15:54.025 --> 00:15:55.091
What don't we talk about?

00:15:55.091 --> 00:16:15.437
We talk about everything don't we, Because I've said it 10 times we talk about this all the time and shout out to all the people seniors that are working, customer service and stuff and the Walmarts, and we're not in Target right now, but you know, the fast food places are such a service job.

00:16:15.966 --> 00:16:21.214
Because a lot of them are there because they have to be there, not because they want to be, it's inflation.

00:16:21.214 --> 00:16:25.833
Not because they want to be, and my biggest fear is that I'm not ready for retirement.

00:16:25.833 --> 00:16:34.485
When it's time for me to sit down, I can't sit down, so I think that's one reason why, too, too, I also work so hard, because my clock is a ticking.

00:16:35.490 --> 00:16:42.792
I need money, yeah so I feel we make money, but we don't always save money because we always think, well, yeah, it'll be fine, like it's so far away.

00:16:42.812 --> 00:16:51.865
Retirement seems so far away, and now it's like I felt like I just celebrated my 50th birthday and then, all of a sudden, I went to sleep and took a nap.

00:16:51.865 --> 00:16:53.109
When I woke up, I was 55.

00:16:53.109 --> 00:16:55.192
Where did those five years go?

00:16:55.192 --> 00:16:57.136
Like they went by so fast.

00:16:57.136 --> 00:17:11.027
It was just new year's and now we're already in, or past first quarter of the year it's already gone um, I think another thing I heard you say something about was credit yeah, oh yeah, nobody told you about credit when you were younger.

00:17:11.086 --> 00:17:12.771
Yeah, and here are these credit cards.

00:17:12.771 --> 00:17:28.653
Here's a credit card To a point, but even with credit, you can have good credit and then something drastic happens in your life, like I got laid off like two times within two years and so now I'm like, oh, I can't pay my bills and my credit just went all the way down my life.

00:17:34.384 --> 00:17:37.394
So I'm having to start everything all over it because it took two seconds from my score to go to shit.

00:17:37.414 --> 00:17:40.085
Right, it's gonna take forever to build it back up and I'm just like, oh my god.

00:17:40.085 --> 00:17:44.240
So yeah, I I don't know what more you can know about credit.

00:17:44.240 --> 00:18:11.960
You know credit to get you in certain doors and in certain rooms, through certain doors and in certain rooms, but if something happens, unless you just have a shitload of money saved, yeah, this just goes into credit and money and we're living day to day and taking care of our adult kids, trying to help them out and do all this, and that's why I was like, yeah, I can't do nothing for nobody, because helping you guys out my savings weren't what they needed to be and thank god, I was able to make it through all of the layoffs or whatever.

00:18:11.960 --> 00:18:12.804
Thank you, jesus.

00:18:12.804 --> 00:18:17.873
But it's like, yeah, yeah, we build everything at 50.

00:18:18.173 --> 00:18:21.358
I'm starting over, so right and that's so scary.

00:18:21.358 --> 00:18:27.167
It is, that's so scary, I'm scared to death like this is terrible and that's why I'm sitting here like do I sell my house, do I?

00:18:27.167 --> 00:18:32.080
What do I do like it's just because I feel like my house is like money in the bank.

00:18:32.080 --> 00:18:37.442
But I want to pull money out of my house, but they're like, oh, your score is just not that and I'm like what the fuck?

00:18:37.784 --> 00:18:47.968
so I like this is just uh terrible but, one day at a time, but it's scary it is, it's very scary um.

00:18:48.208 --> 00:18:53.444
My mother was an entrepreneur but my mother didn't know about business credit.

00:18:53.444 --> 00:18:59.678
I wish I had learned about business credit at an earlier age.

00:19:00.705 --> 00:19:19.567
I know about it now the importance of it and I have business credit and, and and I'm still learning a little bit, but being able to maneuver with business credit and the options and the what it gives you, you know, to be able to change, because you can really change your life through the use of business credit.

00:19:19.567 --> 00:19:26.390
But I wish I had have known this years ago, because I've been an entrepreneur for years but never knew.

00:19:26.390 --> 00:19:31.270
That's just like those people, like you have those 800 credit scores, what y'all doing with it.

00:19:31.290 --> 00:19:31.471
What are?

00:19:31.491 --> 00:19:32.557
bless you.

00:19:32.557 --> 00:19:33.803
What are you doing with it?

00:19:33.803 --> 00:19:34.105
Just having?

00:19:34.125 --> 00:19:34.164
it.

00:19:34.164 --> 00:19:34.906
What's the point of?

00:19:34.967 --> 00:19:40.173
having it if it's not if you haven't learned what it does, what it could do for you.

00:19:40.173 --> 00:19:43.265
So you know, we used to have a friend who always bragged about it.

00:19:43.265 --> 00:19:58.596
I was just going to say that Go ahead, I'll let you say it 800 credit score yeah, just to say it Didn't invest, didn't do anything Like you could have made that work for you, and they just didn't.

00:19:58.596 --> 00:20:00.491
It was just the ideal of it for them.

00:20:00.785 --> 00:20:07.219
Yeah like nobody warned me that I might have to retire and then come back out of retirement.

00:20:07.219 --> 00:20:09.444
Nobody want to go through that, right.

00:20:09.444 --> 00:20:24.263
But if you learn how to use credit, if you learn how to use your business credit, your 401ks, like you just said, you lost your job in a two-year period twice, yes, twice, and having to rebuild.

00:20:24.263 --> 00:20:37.479
But if you have that nest egg, the importance of entrepreneurship there's so many different things Like I wish we just had got that, just a just a little bit sooner, yeah, just a little bit sooner.

00:20:37.880 --> 00:20:38.701
Anything else what?

00:20:38.701 --> 00:20:46.616
But that you wish someone had warned you, just that, um it's hard to get the weight off after a day

00:20:46.636 --> 00:20:54.096
like seriously like I just had no idea, yeah I mean I was always 105 pounds.

00:20:54.096 --> 00:20:58.352
I used to call me olive oil, and then one day, the weight.

00:20:58.412 --> 00:21:02.932
Really I hated it because I always had hips this is a little skinny thing with hips.

00:21:02.932 --> 00:21:04.698
She was slim, fit.

00:21:04.837 --> 00:21:08.828
I had these hips because the kids used to tease me, the boys used to tease me.

00:21:08.828 --> 00:21:09.971
The same boys, boys, they loved it.

00:21:10.010 --> 00:21:11.354
You didn't know, I didn't know.

00:21:11.354 --> 00:21:11.996
Yeah, they loved it.

00:21:13.664 --> 00:21:16.634
So I was always 105 pounds.

00:21:16.634 --> 00:21:18.010
It's a little old thing, right.

00:21:18.010 --> 00:21:22.555
And then one day you wake up and this weight is here and you can't.

00:21:22.555 --> 00:21:23.237
I mean, I used to.

00:21:23.237 --> 00:21:26.633
I don't know if anybody remembers this used to be this stuff called weight on.

00:21:26.633 --> 00:21:28.291
Did you used to drink so you could gain weight?

00:21:28.291 --> 00:21:34.549
Like to gain weight?

00:21:34.569 --> 00:21:35.211
Like protein.

00:21:35.232 --> 00:21:37.141
It was like a protein, so I just always drink them to gain weight because I was so little.

00:21:37.161 --> 00:21:38.065
I wish you could give it back, I know right.

00:21:38.065 --> 00:21:44.791
Like nobody ever said this is going to happen at a certain age Make sure that you, you know, run or work out or do something.

00:21:44.791 --> 00:21:52.519
You just, I just assumed that I was going to be where I was girl forever You're still a hot girl.

00:21:52.538 --> 00:21:53.761
You see her cut her eyes at me.

00:21:54.184 --> 00:21:55.208
I'm still a hot girl.

00:21:55.208 --> 00:21:56.190
You're still a hot girl.

00:21:56.190 --> 00:21:57.894
It is harder.

00:21:58.154 --> 00:22:03.414
Still got these hips, yeah, but you know, I just wished that, you know somebody would have said.

00:22:03.434 --> 00:22:06.554
You know, this is called a fupa and all of that stuff.

00:22:06.684 --> 00:22:08.990
Like nobody told me any of this.

00:22:09.010 --> 00:22:14.325
It's like okay, gonna, I'm gonna steer you, steer you a little different direction.

00:22:14.325 --> 00:22:17.554
Look, don't, don't look at us, don't judge us.

00:22:17.554 --> 00:22:31.814
Mo, and it might just be me I know every woman is different, I know I know every woman's body is different, but you remember when you used to wet the whole bed, oh yeah when did that?

00:22:31.834 --> 00:22:34.259
stop when did that?

00:22:34.259 --> 00:22:35.723
I think it depends on the person.

00:22:35.723 --> 00:22:37.888
Honestly, he's still young.

00:22:37.949 --> 00:22:41.346
It depends on the person still messing with the women that still wet up the whole bed.

00:22:41.346 --> 00:22:43.773
When did that stop and what happened?

00:22:43.795 --> 00:22:45.098
to it right person have you?

00:22:45.138 --> 00:22:47.605
yeah, no, the right person will.

00:22:47.605 --> 00:22:51.954
But if you just looked at me and you could wet the floor.

00:22:51.994 --> 00:22:53.057
I can't waste it for everybody.

00:22:53.076 --> 00:22:53.478
What did you say?

00:22:53.478 --> 00:22:54.259
I can't waste it.

00:22:54.259 --> 00:23:03.092
I can't waste it, but also too, if you're not sexually active as often as you used to be.

00:23:03.132 --> 00:23:08.178
They also say, if you don't use it, you lose it, so you know I say well, run the draft.

00:23:08.617 --> 00:23:09.900
Yes, what did you say?

00:23:09.900 --> 00:23:10.180
What?

00:23:10.641 --> 00:23:12.711
did you say the well run the draft?

00:23:12.711 --> 00:23:18.548
That, yes, we said a well well run strap.

00:23:18.548 --> 00:23:20.613
That is gonna dig a little deeper, like what, what I?

00:23:20.633 --> 00:23:21.674
was like what, what happened to that?

00:23:21.674 --> 00:23:23.378
Yeah, like to that you swim, I know like I'm swimming it.

00:23:23.378 --> 00:23:25.205
Like what happened to that?

00:23:25.205 --> 00:23:26.429
Is it there?

00:23:26.429 --> 00:23:29.074
It's still there it's still there.

00:23:29.114 --> 00:23:29.796
Well, part of it.

00:23:29.796 --> 00:23:34.992
But that's also part of one reason why I say I need a therapist, because I got so much stuff to unpack.

00:23:34.992 --> 00:23:55.853
But I also didn't realize the impact that going through a health scare has on you like I'm and I hate to say this publicly, but it's true, I'm a little I have a little anxiety about actually having sex right now oh, that's fair considering everything that you've gone through you're talking about the estrogen, like, yes, like on your body, like, how are you?

00:23:55.873 --> 00:23:58.540
supposed to have, okay, another funny story so much.

00:23:58.540 --> 00:24:05.185
The last time that I did get some and it wasn't all that long ago I'd love to start out test to see if she still worked.

00:24:05.185 --> 00:24:13.700
I had a hot flash in the middle, but the funny thing was he felt it, that he was like what's going on.

00:24:13.700 --> 00:24:16.612
He probably loved that hot glass.

00:24:16.612 --> 00:24:19.771
First of all, it's already warm, thank you.

00:24:20.527 --> 00:24:23.869
It made it warmer, it turned up the heat, but no, it was hot.

00:24:24.724 --> 00:24:25.428
It wasn't warm.

00:24:25.428 --> 00:24:32.048
It was hot that he felt how hot my body got At the time.

00:24:32.048 --> 00:24:40.219
He was kind of inside, so that's a hot flash.

00:24:40.259 --> 00:24:50.194
She was like oh, my god like my body instantly went from this to this.

00:24:50.694 --> 00:24:57.672
Yeah, I was burning up and like we had to stop, give me a minute, my temperature come back down.

00:24:57.672 --> 00:25:06.752
But at the time we were in the act and he felt he literally felt it how hot I got internally.

00:25:07.474 --> 00:25:09.588
Okay, Trying to make sure this is clean.

00:25:09.609 --> 00:25:10.333
You definitely should.

00:25:11.928 --> 00:25:20.744
Trying to make sure this stays on the cleaver, that's a hot yes now you had the man like trying to comment

00:25:23.319 --> 00:25:24.125
can I try it out?

00:25:24.125 --> 00:25:25.744
It was more than just a flat.

00:25:25.744 --> 00:25:26.712
No, it was hot.

00:25:26.712 --> 00:25:30.828
It was hot because it scared him for a minute, like what is?

00:25:30.828 --> 00:25:35.133
Because sometimes you feel like it's going to come up and you'd be like, okay, come on.

00:25:35.133 --> 00:25:37.029
Let's get back down.

00:25:37.029 --> 00:25:38.710
Get it back down, but you don't know.

00:25:38.710 --> 00:25:40.692
But when it goes, there's no warning.

00:25:40.692 --> 00:25:53.939
It's like from zero to 100, instantly, and you're, and intimately, all intertwined and connected like that's the nicest way to say it and all of a sudden your body is at a thousand degrees.

00:25:54.941 --> 00:25:58.928
And he was just like no, ma'am, what is?

00:25:58.928 --> 00:26:06.945
That I was like I'm having a hot flash get off me I thought I could get through it.

00:26:06.945 --> 00:26:08.931
I thought I could get through it hot flash.

00:26:08.971 --> 00:26:19.548
But yeah, sorry, I hate that for you yes, so I have a little anxiety about that's fair though it's ruining my life.

00:26:19.689 --> 00:26:20.334
I need estrogen.

00:26:21.096 --> 00:26:24.394
Yeah, that's coming soon baby soon, yes, I need estrogen.

00:26:25.919 --> 00:26:39.291
I know we have to wrap up, but I think the myth that we're older and so we don't work, or whatever the case may be, that is truly a myth, because we always I mean, they say at 40, that's when we hit our sexual peak.

00:26:39.413 --> 00:26:40.055
I truly believe that.

00:26:40.055 --> 00:26:41.099
I think I did too.

00:26:41.877 --> 00:26:45.162
I truly believe that and I think we've all experienced it.

00:26:45.162 --> 00:26:58.306
Experience it, but the the older you get to me, um, when that crib is gone and that playpen is put in, it just gets you.

00:26:58.306 --> 00:26:59.912
You don't have to worry about things.

00:26:59.932 --> 00:27:05.403
I just think it makes it easier better more open for you to play no, no, she lost me too.

00:27:05.483 --> 00:27:14.461
I was like I'm sorry, you usually your baby oh yeah, oh yeah, play pin you're playing I was lost.

00:27:14.461 --> 00:27:20.295
So, yeah, so, um, I you know, I just think that it's all mind over matter.

00:27:20.295 --> 00:27:21.858
Okay, it's what you said.

00:27:21.858 --> 00:27:24.424
If you don't use it, you lose it.

00:27:24.486 --> 00:27:29.022
But, um, you know so does sex get better than when you get older?

00:27:29.022 --> 00:27:31.528
I think so, I absolutely think so.

00:27:33.145 --> 00:27:35.320
Yeah, we're not just doing a mister thing.

00:27:35.320 --> 00:27:38.219
You know the things that you don't know you turn.

00:27:38.278 --> 00:27:41.046
Put your leg up there, grab your ankles.

00:27:41.205 --> 00:27:41.887
No, I'm kidding.

00:27:43.718 --> 00:27:44.820
No you're not.

00:27:44.820 --> 00:27:45.442
No, you're not.

00:27:47.217 --> 00:27:48.502
You're not Unfiltered?

00:27:48.502 --> 00:27:52.365
No, I think it does, because you said you know you.

00:27:52.605 --> 00:28:08.761
You've gotten to a point where you know your body, you know what you like, you know what you don't want and you're to me, I think it is more enjoyable and you can verbalize what you like, what you don't like, the things that when you're younger you don't know, you just take it, you have a condition to just be like well, whatever they want, I don't know.

00:28:08.781 --> 00:28:10.712
And then I take it you kind of condition to just be like, well, whatever they want.

00:28:10.712 --> 00:28:11.641
I don't know, I was never like that.

00:28:11.641 --> 00:28:12.493
Sex was never like that for me.

00:28:12.674 --> 00:28:14.321
Well, no, it may not be like that for you.

00:28:14.321 --> 00:28:19.967
What I'm saying is that's what girls are basically taught, for the most part Not because, you were, not because you were.

00:28:19.987 --> 00:28:20.448
What did he.

00:28:21.615 --> 00:28:22.859
My mom was a bit different.

00:28:22.920 --> 00:28:36.721
That goes to say my, I don't think I was ever like that.

00:28:36.721 --> 00:28:38.066
Yeah, no, I'd be like you.

00:28:38.066 --> 00:28:39.429
Better put it on your face.

00:28:40.898 --> 00:28:43.798
I had a mom who was very free when I say free.

00:28:43.798 --> 00:28:45.103
I mean, I love that.

00:28:45.103 --> 00:28:47.923
That's one of the things I can truly say I loved about my mom.

00:28:47.923 --> 00:28:52.862
She was free, so she didn't get caught up in the things that you're supposed to do.

00:28:52.862 --> 00:28:56.219
What she wanted, she got, she took, whatever the case may be.

00:28:56.219 --> 00:29:02.316
But for the most part, girls are conditioned to please the guy wherever he want.

00:29:02.316 --> 00:29:04.419
And we don't learn, we really don't.

00:29:04.880 --> 00:29:11.109
We're not taught you the true meaning of an orgasm and you feeling good and telling people what you want, right.

00:29:11.736 --> 00:29:17.428
And so we a lot, of, a lot of girls think they're out here doing something because they can hum.

00:29:17.428 --> 00:29:19.260
But why did I do the hump?

00:29:19.260 --> 00:29:22.721
I know For real, for real.

00:29:22.721 --> 00:29:35.180
The older you get, you know you come into the space of your own and you can truly tell them what you want, what you like or what you don't want, what you don't like or buy because this ain't going to work.

00:29:35.180 --> 00:29:37.983
You know you get to that point space in your life.

00:29:37.983 --> 00:29:40.742
So yeah, honey, an older woman.

00:29:43.615 --> 00:29:44.681
That's why they run into us.

00:29:44.681 --> 00:29:52.527
Well, we did ask a quick question to our people because I just remembered I had one on our over here.

00:29:52.527 --> 00:29:55.942
Mr Mo, jump over there for us and hit that.

00:29:55.942 --> 00:30:01.325
That first one, all the way at the top, Asked was sex better now that you get older?

00:30:01.434 --> 00:30:02.940
Hello, my name is Tamika.

00:30:02.940 --> 00:30:04.044
I'm calling from Atlanta.

00:30:04.044 --> 00:30:07.104
So the question is does sex get better with age?

00:30:07.104 --> 00:30:08.395
I'm early 40s.

00:30:08.395 --> 00:30:09.503
So the question is does sex get better with age?

00:30:09.503 --> 00:30:26.798
I'm early 40s and I guess with me it just depends on the person and how I'm feeling at that moment, if that makes sense, because I know what I want and I know what I don't want, and I know if I'm dealing with someone that's older, you might want a little more.

00:30:26.798 --> 00:30:31.606
If it's someone younger, then hey, I ain't looking for nothing too much.

00:30:31.606 --> 00:30:36.241
So I guess it's not the age If it gets better with age.

00:30:36.241 --> 00:30:39.565
To me it depends on the person that's very true.

00:30:41.577 --> 00:30:44.145
Yeah, I think it's just a combination of things.

00:30:45.214 --> 00:30:57.577
It's a combination, but my personal opinion, when you age, things are always, should always get better, because it's the wisdom that comes with yeah, yeah, I think it is, because it's more than just the physical.

00:30:57.719 --> 00:31:01.192
It is, it's more than just the physical, it's okay, all right.

00:31:01.192 --> 00:31:06.388
Well, anything else you wish somebody had warned y'all about, that's it life gets better?

00:31:06.950 --> 00:31:08.971
yes, it does get better it does it gets better.

00:31:08.919 --> 00:31:09.842
it gets harder sometimes, but it gets better.

00:31:09.842 --> 00:31:10.346
Yes, it does get better.

00:31:10.346 --> 00:31:10.508
It does it gets better.

00:31:11.115 --> 00:31:14.846
It gets harder sometimes, but it gets better, but it gets easier in other ways.

00:31:14.846 --> 00:31:17.222
Yeah, it's this balance.

00:31:17.394 --> 00:31:19.682
Think about the things you used to worry about when you were younger.

00:31:19.682 --> 00:31:23.241
Yeah, that now you don't even remember, but it was such a worry back then.

00:31:23.241 --> 00:31:25.768
So it does, it gets better.

00:31:31.415 --> 00:31:33.626
It's just embracing it and being happy with where you are.

00:31:33.626 --> 00:31:34.088
Yeah, it's better, kids.

00:31:34.088 --> 00:31:35.054
Just don't let stephanie sneeze.

00:31:35.054 --> 00:31:39.740
Make sure you like, follow and subscribe to timeless and unfiltered and I'm legra.

00:31:39.740 --> 00:31:41.762
I'm stephanie I'm charise and I'm ivania and we're gonna.

00:31:41.762 --> 00:31:52.862
And I'm Lycra, I'm Steph and I'm Cherise and I'm Evanya and we're going to keep on spilling this tea.

00:31:52.862 --> 00:31:54.141
Y'all better come on back over here.

00:31:54.141 --> 00:31:55.986
We're going to keep spilling the tea on Midlife.

00:31:55.986 --> 00:31:58.300
One laugh at a time.

00:31:58.300 --> 00:32:02.182
All right, like us, follow us, subscribe to us, come get us.

00:32:04.218 --> 00:32:08.044
Uh-oh All right, eddie, y'all she hot and ready.

00:32:08.044 --> 00:32:08.945
Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.